Why don't they admit they don't care about you?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Basically that's when I realised I'd had enough - when i saw in black and white he didn't care about me at all.  But whenever I had raised this before (when I first suspected he didn't) he would be insistent that he did.  Any ideas why they can't just say no I don't care?

In the very beginning he used to be worried about me all the time and ask me to txt as soon as I got home to let me know I was ok, get beside himself if I didn't ring him every day and If I went away for a weekend i had to be in constant contact. So did he even care in the early days or was it an act to suck me in? I know this shouldn't matter but I'm just so confused.

It's like you deal with one bit in your head and make progress then yr brain moves on to the next bit!

[merlin4926]

Basically that's when I realised I'd had enough - when i saw in black and white he didn't care about me at all.  But whenever I had raised this before (when I first suspected he didn't) he would be insistent that he did.  Any ideas why they can't just say no I don't care?

In the very beginning he used to be worried about me all the time and ask me to txt as soon as I got home to let me know I was ok, get beside himself if I didn't ring him every day and If I went away for a weekend i had to be in constant contact. So did he even care in the early days or was it an act to suck me in? I know this shouldn't matter but I'm just so confused.

It's like you deal with one bit in your head and make progress then yr brain moves on to the next bit!

[merlin4926]

I should point it out that he had already dumped me but kept maintaining that he did care

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

At the start they idealise you - and so they will seem to care.  But I guess it is just fear they will lose you.  And then you fail to live up to the ideal and in their head you are a let down.  So then they don't care but still fear abandonment.  I think they are scared to be alone in the world.  I think they are not very happy people.  I think, overall, even with all the love we have for them - we are in a better place without them.

[Bak86]

She kept on "caring" after she dumped me for about a month. She would keep texting me to ask me if i'm ok. It's probably just for their ego boost. I'm pretty sure i'm painted black now, but she still makes remarks in my presence to see how i react and she often stares at me from across the room. Not sure what she's up to... .

[Blimblam]

They actually do care it's just the disorder is incredibly twisted. They are incredibly damaged human beings.

[Indyan]

I should point it out that he had already dumped me but kept maintaining that he did care

Same here.

He dumped me and the kids 3 months ago, tries to destroy me on all levels, but still goes on saying every now and then that "he loves me".

I don't think we have the same definition... .

[Indyan]

She kept on "caring" after she dumped me for about a month. She would keep texting me to ask me if i'm ok. It's probably just for their ego boost. I'm pretty sure i'm painted black now, but she still makes remarks in my presence to see how i react and she often stares at me from across the room. Not sure what she's up to... .

Are you back together now?

My BPDbf (or s2bx) asks "I hope you're alright" in his messages, and that drives me mad.

How can I be alright with all what's happening to me? Am I a robot or what?

[Bak86]

She kept on "caring" after she dumped me for about a month. She would keep texting me to ask me if i'm ok. It's probably just for their ego boost. I'm pretty sure i'm painted black now, but she still makes remarks in my presence to see how i react and she often stares at me from across the room. Not sure what she's up to... .

Are you back together now?

My BPDbf (or s2bx) asks "I hope you're alright" in his messages, and that drives me mad.

How can I be alright with all what's happening to me? Am I a robot or what?

No. She never actually tried to get back. I tried a couple of times, but she would get really cold. I don't want her back anymore. She is a complete mess right now. Can't pay her bills, looks terrible, is depressed etc. I only want healthy people in my life now. She is not one of them. Screw her.

[tim_tom]

In the very beginning he used to be worried about me all the time and ask me to txt as soon as I got home to let me know I was ok, get beside himself if I didn't ring him every day and If I went away for a weekend i had to be in constant contact. So did he even care in the early days or was it an act to suck me in? I know this shouldn't matter but I'm just so confused.

It's like you deal with one bit in your head and make progress then yr brain moves on to the next bit!

I think this is a mixture or control and abandonment issues playing out in a way that mimics caring. What they do, is for them and their needs. They care for things you do in terms of how it effects them, which is different then actual caring for another. She used to give me a hard time about wearing my seat belt, cause "she can't lose me". The words seemed innocuous enough at the time, but I think they reveal a deeper truth.

Now, she is trying to control the breakup,  her guilt, my perception of it, her access to me, etc. Sending a cold text like  "hey, how are you", has little to do with me and is simply a tactic to alleviate her guilt.

[purpleavocado]

In their minds they DO care. But mostly, they're just mimicking emotions, and that gets tiring.

[Indyan]

Sending a cold text like  "hey, how are you", has little to do with me and is simply a tactic to alleviate her guilt.

Totally.

Very often he begins with "hope you're doing well" and then something terrifying to me like "I want to take baby full day tomorrow".

He doesn't hope I'm well, he wishes me shattered, that's what I think.

[Infern0]

I also got the "hope you are ok" messages after she had ripped my heart out and danced all over it.

OK?  OK?

I can barely even remember my response,  I called her to ask her to just leave me alone for a while, I was in tears and so confused and upset and her response was cool and calm, "blame me if that makes it easier for you"

[merlin4926]

He used to txt "are u ok?" Then it changed to "hope u r ok". To me that meant he went from wanting to check I was alright to knowing he should ask but not caring if I was ok or not

[Algae]

I also got the "hope you are ok" messages after she had ripped my heart out and danced all over it.

OK?  OK?

I can barely even remember my response,  I called her to ask her to just leave me alone for a while, I was in tears and so confused and upset and her response was cool and calm, "blame me if that makes it easier for you"

I guess thats what I should be doing.  Right now im struggling to fight the urge to tell her to meet me in person... .I spit in her face and walk away.  I wouldnt ever do that to a woman... but this girl has done damage. 

[Indyan]

her response was cool and calm, "blame me if that makes it easier for you"

Yes, he says things like that too.

For once it makes sense for that's the way THEY behave, they blame others for their own negative emotions... .

[ajr5679]

she should love the way she wanted to be loved. she asked me one time if I knew she loved me and I said not all the time. this is when she started triggering and painting me black. and the abuse started up again. i don`t think they know how to love.

[Deeno02]

NC still except for my John Cusack moment to try one last time to win a second chance. It was met with aloofness, anger and accusations,  some true, most not. Left out of there shattered wondering if perhaps i was the crazy one. Only been about a month. NC was off and on, 100% by me trying to win her back. Im an idiot.