ex girlfriend help

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just recently moved back in  with my ex who is BPD... we broke up about 8 months ago due mainly from me breaking a prom

ise about not talking to my x wife again. she has been with someone else in the meantime but it was very short basically a week... right now we live pretty much as roommates and the most intimate we get is the times we sit and I give her a massage or just talk... but mostly I give her a lot of space... she does not want to talk about feelings at all and says she does not want a relationship with anyone. So I do not try to start that's kinda conversation at all... cuz when I have it ends up me being told how badly I hurt her and how she hates me for it,but we are fine if we stay away from that subject. actually we get along pretty well besides and hang out a lot, but I am pretty confused about her true feelings and wont ask cuz her anxiety goes through the roof. right now she is in dbt and I think it has helped her a lot.

[kano2010]

I just recently moved back in  with my ex who is BPD... we broke up about 8 months ago due mainly from me breaking a prom

ise about not talking to my x wife again. she has been with someone else in the meantime but it was very short basically a week... right now we live pretty much as roommates and the most intimate we get is the times we sit and I give her a massage or just talk... but mostly I give her a lot of space... she does not want to talk about feelings at all and says she does not want a relationship with anyone. So I do not try to start that's kinda conversation at all... cuz when I have it ends up me being told how badly I hurt her and how she hates me for it,but we are fine if we stay away from that subject. actually we get along pretty well besides and hang out a lot, but I am pretty confused about her true feelings and wont ask cuz her anxiety goes through the roof. right now she is in dbt and I think it has helped her a lot.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

Hello Kano  ,

Anxiety is something I am all too familiar with.  I felt the same with my ex ... .too anxious and concerned that bringing up my concerns and feelings would cause her to dysregulate. 

Giving her space is good when she needs it, but you also can't continue to avoid the issues that are causing a divide in your relationship.

What makes you think she suffers from BPD?   Given she is in DBT (which is great) I assume she has been professionally diagnosed? 

Have you had a chance to check out these articles?

Is it Borderline Personality Disorder?

DSM Definition: Borderline Personality Disorder


Good communication is critical in a relationship, especially when dealing with a borderline.  To that end leaning how to effectively communicate without triggering her can take you far.

Here is a good place to start learning about effective communication tools.

Communication Skills - Validation

I also encourage you to check out the workshops, specifically with respect to threads on communication.

Workshops

Feel free to ask any questions and share more of your story.  It helps clarify things when you write it all out.   

[kano2010]

Hello Kano  ,

Anxiety is something I am all too familiar with.  I felt the same with my ex ... .too anxious and concerned that bringing up my concerns and feelings would cause her to dysregulate. 

Giving her space is good when she needs it, but you also can't continue to avoid the issues that are causing a divide in your relationship.

What makes you think she suffers from BPD?   Given she is in DBT (which is great) I assume she has been professionally diagnosed? 

Have you had a chance to check out these articles?

Is it Borderline Personality Disorder?

DSM Definition: Borderline Personality Disorder


Good communication is critical in a relationship, especially when dealing with a borderline.  To that end leaning how to effectively communicate without triggering her can take you far.

Here is a good place to start learning about effective communication tools.

Communication Skills - Validation

I also encourage you to check out the workshops, specifically with respect to threads on communication.

Workshops

Feel free to ask any questions and share more of your story.  It helps clarify things when you write it all out.   

yes she was professionally diagnosed and goes to regular therapy plus dbt... but I when I talk about us she just says she still hates me for what I did and she doesn't want to be with anyone ... but we are really good besides mentioning being in a relationship... but I don't really understand why she wants me to live with her and of it means anything at all... .and if it was a mistake for me to move back in with her ... I love her and been friends for 15 years and together only 1 year. just really confused by the whole situation... .I guess I put myself into