A new beginning?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This thought, these words - out of the blue, never heard them before - would not leave me all evening, until I wrote it down:

"If I have spoken some small truth erroneously, and you hear me erroneously, but tomorrow you hear some truth in what I spoke today, perhaps we have both done something good.  If we are patient with each other in the meanwhile, we have done something wondrous."

So I put those words in my signature here.

As I read it now, and put myself there as the speaker, then as the listener, I think that is the man I want to be and am called to be, and that is the type of close relationships I will flourish with, perhaps someday a marriage.

[morningagain]

This thought, these words - out of the blue, never heard them before - would not leave me all evening, until I wrote it down:

"If I have spoken some small truth erroneously, and you hear me erroneously, but tomorrow you hear some truth in what I spoke today, perhaps we have both done something good.  If we are patient with each other in the meanwhile, we have done something wondrous."

So I put those words in my signature here.

As I read it now, and put myself there as the speaker, then as the listener, I think that is the man I want to be and am called to be, and that is the type of close relationships I will flourish with, perhaps someday a marriage.

[Suzn]

That is what I call an affirmation. These are what I search out, quotes that have a profound effect. Some simple, some quite complex. 

[maria1]

Hi Michael

I really like that quote- it's how I'd like to be too. It's how I sort of get to with my BPDex and why I still have some respect for the effort he makes.

I stopped and processed my responses and behaviour in the relationship. I realised I'd done a lot of pushing away but I also know that his attachment issues mean it couldn't have worked- he'd have pushed me over the edge in the end anyway.

What I can't know yet is what I'd do faced with healthy and what my attachment issues are. I still haven't seen healthy close up and that makes me doubt my own health even when I feel it.

It's two steps forward one step back Michael- you seem to be moving forward still- I know that route isn't linear and I know it's painful.

[morningagain]

Hi Michael

I really like that quote- it's how I'd like to be too. It's how I sort of get to with my BPDex and why I still have some respect for the effort he makes.

I stopped and processed my responses and behaviour in the relationship. I realised I'd done a lot of pushing away but I also know that his attachment issues mean it couldn't have worked- he'd have pushed me over the edge in the end anyway.

What I can't know yet is what I'd do faced with healthy and what my attachment issues are. I still haven't seen healthy close up and that makes me doubt my own health even when I feel it.

It's two steps forward one step back Michael- you seem to be moving forward still- I know that route isn't linear and I know it's painful.

Hey maria  

This morning I woke up and thought how we try, and we make mistakes, we make errors, we do bad things.  Perhaps we did something right in a particular act or a particular day, perhaps not.  But what is more important and what do we wish from those we love?  To be right all the time and to be heard all the time, or to be patient and to be treated with patience?  Would that not be a dignified life to live, and would that not be an amazing and fulfilling and exciting and peaceful and comforting relationship and marriage to experience?

[Claire]

But what is more important and what do we wish from those we love?  To be right all the time and to be heard all the time, or to be patient and to be treated with patience?  Would that not be a dignified life to live, and would that not be an amazing and fulfilling and exciting and peaceful and comforting relationship and marriage to experience?

Thanks, Michael. Interesting quote, and I like what you said in this comment. I think that one of the good things that does come out of dealing with BPD relationships is the depth of questioning of every thing in our lives. I, too, have been pondering what is the nature of real love. Very insightful.