So, it came the time when i have to see her everyday

[noideaforname]

Classes are back, and i have to see her everyday at the university. I was doing pretty ok, two months without hearing from her, stopped talking to her and went on a few dates and had great sex. She was kinda of my mind most of the time. But still thinking about her every two days i guess.

Now i saw her, she kinda looked at me for 10 seconds but i couldn't even say hi. I had some things that belongs to her and asked a friend at classes to drop them at her desk. She looked at me and said, "thanks, noname" and i could only say you're welcome without even looking at her.

i come home and all i can do is cry, because its like everything came back. People told me she is worse, yelling all the time, on the cellphone all the time and never really listening nobody. she is with another person which i already knew, and she looks at me like nothing happened.

i just wanted to post this because i feel i can't talk to friends anymore since they heard the story a thousand times, and all of them were believing that i was getting better. and now i feel its all over again because i saw her and all the memories came back and i feel again the urge to contact her because i feel my life is empty and nothing is good as she was.

[roberto516]

Sorry noidea,

If you ever need to talk just let me know. The physical sight of the person would have to be the worst. I'm fortunate so far. But I can imagine I'd be devastated as well. But hey, if you are going on dates and doing a little more than that there is nothing to worry about. A lot of times these things are devastating because we wonder if we are the problem or are defective and will anyone ever want to be with us. That's obviously not a problem. I know you probably miss "the one". But maybe those 2 months of worry about seeing her will finally let you heal. Maybe you couldn't move on because you were in anticipation the whole time? I don't know. The important thing is you have support here. So keep sharing!

[noideaforname]

thanks, actually now that i saw her i feel like everything is wrong again, and nothing was real.
i keep thinking on writing her an email, but i already did that 3 times and she just answered "i don't know what to say, i have no feelings for you anymore".

about the dating thing, i don't have a problem on going out with somebody and making out after. But im scared of anything developing with anybody, i just don't want to feel like this ever again, and i don't want to use a relationship with anybody just to cure myself because it would be just lying to myself.

i dont regret the r/s with her, but i regret a lot the fact that i dated a person with a personality disorder that goes to the same classes that i do, and will for the next 4 years. i mean i know after some months things will change in my mind, but as of right now, i would like to die only because i don't want to deal with this.

Seeing her and her actions make me think, that's it... .it's over, she just doesn't see me as anybody different  anymore.

when i think rationally i don't see anyway that we could ever be together, we just have nothing in common. But the feelings feel so real for me still, that i keep thinking inside " well why can't we make it work"... .them i answer myself that she just doesn't want to be with me anymore... .its so simple that make it hurts more... .its not complicated to understand that somebody don't want to be with me anymore. but well, i feel like eveything is pointless, and i can't pay attention on classes because my mind is melting while im near her

[roberto516]

Every thought you just wrote I have felt and will feel again. It's a simple, but deep question. Have you accepted that it's over?

And believe me. The whole "I don't have feelings for you anymore" is what they genuinely believe. There isn't malice behind it. It's how they protect themselves. And how they have always learned to do so.

Be very very careful though. She will probably try to recycle you one day. Especially if you have 4 years left of school. But you aren't alone. I can relate to every single thing you have said. Acceptance for me was the hardest part. Still is. I didn't want to believe it. No one knew what they were talking about with me. They just didn't know how much we loved each other, and how it would have been so perfect. I had to look myself in the mirror and accept that it was out of control. There came a lot of tears. And then a calmness.

A calmness that has helped me combat this past recycle attempt. Along with the help of a lot of people here. If I hadn't accepted it was over I would be at her place right now wondering why I allowed it to happen again. That's my own experience. Your recovery will be different. But maybe it can help.

[noideaforname]

i wondered a lot with my self if i can say that i accept it is over... .yes i can say that i accept it is over.

what it seems to be the problem with me is that i don't accepted the fact that she wasn't willing to give it a try... .we had one break up and thats it... .no second chances, not even wanted to talk in person with me... her world is on whatsapp, if anybody needs to talk something serious with her, it has to be via whatsapp since, according to her, she hates to have serious conversations face to face.

the talks she wants to have outside whatsapp are all talks that would make you think her life is some sort of tv series like gossip girls or keeping up with the kardashiams, she can only talk about futile things outside whatsapp.

so i accept that is over... .but i still wonder, every other guy she had a r/s with, when they would break up, she was always willing to give them a second chance... .but me, never wanted to even talk about it with me... .thats something that bugs me... .

and now seeing her everyday will slow down the process by a lot... .since i cant make her go away of my mind when im seeing her in person

[roberto516]

what it seems to be the problem with me is that i don't accepted the fact that she wasn't willing to give it a try... .we had one break up and thats it... .no second chances, not even wanted to talk in person with me

I struggled with this for about 1 month. Every day. Trying to figure it out. Trying to talk to her about it. Everyone else got chances. People who really treated her bad too. And the good guy is a one and done. But she tried to recycle me the past 2 days. So just prepare yourself.

But it wasn't something that I could figure out. As I posted before. I figured it out. Why she gave up. Why she ran from it. But I needed to accept that I put the puzzle together. Instead I spent far too long trying to move pieces or adjust the finished puzzle. It was only when I saw what happened and let it be and I realized I had to stare at that picture and either accept it or let it drown me did I start to feel some type of  self peace. But that's just me. But I understand exactly what you are saying. Far too well.

[noideaforname]

i just dont imagine a scenario where she would recycle me... .she has like a 6 guys that she is hooking up... .and she painted me black... .

maybe im in denial because im scared that she would attempt and i am not sure how i would react.

everything is a mess from my point of view... .im painted black, i still like her... .and i have to see her everyday... .
i can't see a bright side

[roberto516]

I was in 2 of these. And after the first 1 I looked back and saw that my life was so much better. I was free finally! And I'm getting there with this oe too. Trust me my friend. Look at my old posts. Same things you are saying. I don't want to minimize your struggle or downplay it. But if you need a waking example that it gets better you can look no further.