Worried Sick

[MOBPDS]

 I am worried sick about my adult child (age 30) who I now think has BPD.  She cut off all contact with me several months ago...blocked me and her closest friends from any communication whatsoever.  I don’t even know where she lives now or if she has any support. 

Her reasons for doing this make no sense.  It’s as if she’s living in an alternative reality where all the people who love her, including her siblings, best friends, me, etc. somehow are plotting against her.  We all went from being perfect to being evil in her eyes. 

Had I known she had this disorder at birth I wouldn’t have raised her the same as her siblings.  So I struggle with guilt.  But at the same time, I don’t understand how it could have helped her in life if I had encouraged her irrational over sensitivity. 

Ultimately, I ended up helping her as much as I could, even setting my own career and friendships and needs aside, yet she ended up hating me anyway. 

Now I just feel heartbroken and lost. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!
 It is true that our BPD adult kids are living in an alternative reality  that is real to them.  It is very heartbreaking , but do not feel guilt.  You didn't cause this.  You took a good first step in adding this forum to your network of support.  Please feel free to look around here .  Pull down the tools on the drop down menu.  I  recommend you learn about BPD , look at the suggested readings in the Library on this forum.  One good book is "Stop Walking on Eggshells". 
It is very painful when they become estranged with us.  I am also estranged from my adult BPD son as well.   
Here is a link on estrangement
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=296973.0
You are not alone here.