What do you do when you get the same advice from everyone yet...

[Cipher13]

I tried the T for me. It helped. She hated it becasue it changed me. She thought for the worst I thought for the better. I was more idependent. I can't afford to do both. Finacially just going to one is more than I can afford finacially.

[Pearl55]

Cipher13

I think you've got a sever guilt if you want to leave her but her conditions are nothing to do with you and you are not able to fix her, nobody can! Of course she is upset when you are more independent because you are her opponent and you must be weak in order for her to win over you!

[Cipher13]

I think you've got a sever guilt if you want to leave her but her conditions are nothing to do with you and you are not able to fix her, nobody can! Of course she is upset when you are more independent because you are her opponent and you must be weak in order for her to win over you!

Guilt yes a lot of it. She is the queen of dishing it out. I have accepted it without thought for 10 plus years.

The part about her fighting my indepence makes sense . However it feels somedays that doesn't matter she is just upset at me breathing the same air.

[Grey Kitty]

I tried the T for me. It helped. She hated it becasue it changed me. She thought for the worst I thought for the better. I was more idependent. I can't afford to do both. Finacially just going to one is more than I can afford finacially.

So pick one. I'm going to be blunt and say you will get better results from individual T for yourself.

Her reaction to your improvement based on your own T is the "normal story" around here.

Couples T working poorly is also the "normal story" around here--Either the T will be ineffective, and/or side with your wife... . or your wife won't follow the T's recommendation that she change her behavior.

Actually, the absolute BEST results would be your wife choosing to get individual T for herself (preferably something like a full DBT program), but getting her into it isn't going to be easy!

[Cipher13]

Actually, the absolute BEST results would be your wife choosing to get individual T for herself (preferably something like a full DBT program), but getting her into it isn't going to be easy!

You can say that again. Especially when she is 110% certain I am the casue of all things good and bad. Especially bad.

[waverider]

pwBPD are not very good at making effective use of therapy. They almost need therapy to teach them how to take attending therapy seriously. They are too locked in denial, cover up and projection for therapist  to get anywhere, then drop out.

I am sure many Ts have the attitude that it's going to be a waste of time as soon as they walk in the door.

My partner has been to heaps of T's and support groups but it is always the same soaks up the S & E but as soon as the T part of it comes out and she is expected to own anything or action something she goes AWOL. I have given up in pushing T until she is capable of commitment and responsibility. She is like this with everything in her life, which is what makes her low functioning. Nothing gets completed past the first impulse.

[LifeIsBeautiful]

I realised she was starting another one of those "you don't care about me" rants, and I couldn't listening to any of that. Of course that was followed by the usual get out of the house. I have reached the point of not even bothering with validating and SET etc. It didn't help or I wasn't doing it correctly. This cycle has been going on for a week, and I'm hoping. Can someone tell me if I'm crazy already?