Not sure where to start

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm almost 100% my ex has BPD... .From what she's told me about her past upbringing and past relationships and her behaviour... .It basically describes the last 18months to a tee.

For the first 3months we were sweet. I've never felt like this about anyone. The first time she ended it I was calm... .We talked and everything was okay. We even went out for phone after. It was like nothing had happened. Then we were walking back to my car and I was saying good by and she kissed me.
What continued has been a hot mess.
Originally I guessed her main issues being abandonment issues, commitment and intimacy... .But this explains so much more. Each time we would have an awesome weekend or couple of weeks something would change and she would end it. But a couple of days or a week or two later and she'd make contact... .The push pull was insane.
It's not all her, throughout all of this I have realised a few of my own issues, so I always managed to justify staying around asking as it remind positive.

Last Xmas I had a rebound fling... .Some how we got talking again and I ended things with the fling and we got back together... .She asked me officially to be her gf... .what lasted was just over  2weeks of pure bliss. And then it ended. What threw me was the reasons she always gave. Her not being good enough kind of reason, me not knowing who she was and her not being a good person. Obviously because I love Ed her I disagreed with all of it. But would give her space.

Things would happen, small things and they would be blown up and massive things... .Me being nasty or intentionally being nasty, she'd call me calculated. We stopped talking for two months until she Msged me for my birthday... .We started talking again, but because I was in another relationship we just became friends. She called me her best friend... .She would say things like (you know me the best, I've open up to you the most)
I ended things with the girl I was seeing.
She said she still cared, acknowledged how good I had being as a partner and said she just hadn't being ready. We'd go out and just have an awesome time, talk on the phone most days and Txt a bit. One night we went out and at the end of the night she asked for a hug. I can't describe how amazing having her in my arms again felt. The next day she Txt me saying my hugs were the best... .I know that's small but it's little things like that that felt super genuine that make it hard.

I started thinking here was a chance again. And then she started hanging out with someone new, when we talked she tell me things that she didn't like about the new person, that they didn't know her or ask enough Q's. At some point we had become friends on FB again . But after she posted something with the new person I deleted her. I spoke to her about it and just explain I was happy she was happy but wasn't ready to see that. She seemed fine with it at the time. But then a few days later she Msged asking to talk. I was super stressed, mid job change, stressed about my feeling for her and the idea of telling her. She was mid house move. She wanted to talk about me deleting her on FB. I reexplained why but she kept pushing. Until I snapped a d just told her everything... .That I was still in love with her.
She seemed stunned. I had to leave for work so she said we were talk later.
I Msged apologising, that that wasn't the conversation I wanted to have and it was the worst possible timing, if she needed space I would give it. She's seemed okay and said we would talk once she was settled and had things together.
I Msged a couple of weeks later but got a blow off msg... (I found out later thru a mate she had quit her job and was stressed that weekend)
We haven't spoken in 2.5 months now.
I Msged yesterday saying hi. The response was positive and I just left it at that. I know she's still with the chick she's being seeing.

I'm really lost on what to do. Part of me is relived that so much behaviour has been explained even things as small as getting upset if I didn't respond to msgs quick enough.

I love her, on the good days. I accept her on the bad ones. I never thought she was perfect. I've never found myself being so patient. I have a knowing feeling when I'm around her. It's intense connection I don't feel I've ever had with anyone... .I've spent alot of my time trying to find ways of getting past it, accepting things. I was trying o figure out the attraction, thinking that would help. Part of my doesn't care as long as she's in my life. But deep down I know I want her back.

[Gussy86]

I'm almost 100% my ex has BPD... .From what she's told me about her past upbringing and past relationships and her behaviour... .It basically describes the last 18months to a tee.

For the first 3months we were sweet. I've never felt like this about anyone. The first time she ended it I was calm... .We talked and everything was okay. We even went out for phone after. It was like nothing had happened. Then we were walking back to my car and I was saying good by and she kissed me.
What continued has been a hot mess.
Originally I guessed her main issues being abandonment issues, commitment and intimacy... .But this explains so much more. Each time we would have an awesome weekend or couple of weeks something would change and she would end it. But a couple of days or a week or two later and she'd make contact... .The push pull was insane.
It's not all her, throughout all of this I have realised a few of my own issues, so I always managed to justify staying around asking as it remind positive.

Last Xmas I had a rebound fling... .Some how we got talking again and I ended things with the fling and we got back together... .She asked me officially to be her gf... .what lasted was just over  2weeks of pure bliss. And then it ended. What threw me was the reasons she always gave. Her not being good enough kind of reason, me not knowing who she was and her not being a good person. Obviously because I love Ed her I disagreed with all of it. But would give her space.

Things would happen, small things and they would be blown up and massive things... .Me being nasty or intentionally being nasty, she'd call me calculated. We stopped talking for two months until she Msged me for my birthday... .We started talking again, but because I was in another relationship we just became friends. She called me her best friend... .She would say things like (you know me the best, I've open up to you the most)
I ended things with the girl I was seeing.
She said she still cared, acknowledged how good I had being as a partner and said she just hadn't being ready. We'd go out and just have an awesome time, talk on the phone most days and Txt a bit. One night we went out and at the end of the night she asked for a hug. I can't describe how amazing having her in my arms again felt. The next day she Txt me saying my hugs were the best... .I know that's small but it's little things like that that felt super genuine that make it hard.

I started thinking here was a chance again. And then she started hanging out with someone new, when we talked she tell me things that she didn't like about the new person, that they didn't know her or ask enough Q's. At some point we had become friends on FB again . But after she posted something with the new person I deleted her. I spoke to her about it and just explain I was happy she was happy but wasn't ready to see that. She seemed fine with it at the time. But then a few days later she Msged asking to talk. I was super stressed, mid job change, stressed about my feeling for her and the idea of telling her. She was mid house move. She wanted to talk about me deleting her on FB. I reexplained why but she kept pushing. Until I snapped a d just told her everything... .That I was still in love with her.
She seemed stunned. I had to leave for work so she said we were talk later.
I Msged apologising, that that wasn't the conversation I wanted to have and it was the worst possible timing, if she needed space I would give it. She's seemed okay and said we would talk once she was settled and had things together.
I Msged a couple of weeks later but got a blow off msg... (I found out later thru a mate she had quit her job and was stressed that weekend)
We haven't spoken in 2.5 months now.
I Msged yesterday saying hi. The response was positive and I just left it at that. I know she's still with the chick she's being seeing.

I'm really lost on what to do. Part of me is relived that so much behaviour has been explained even things as small as getting upset if I didn't respond to msgs quick enough.

I love her, on the good days. I accept her on the bad ones. I never thought she was perfect. I've never found myself being so patient. I have a knowing feeling when I'm around her. It's intense connection I don't feel I've ever had with anyone... .I've spent alot of my time trying to find ways of getting past it, accepting things. I was trying o figure out the attraction, thinking that would help. Part of my doesn't care as long as she's in my life. But deep down I know I want her back.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Relationships with people with BPD (pwBPD) seem to range from immensely gratifying and intimate to intensely cold and instant. Sometimes they flash through that range in an instant. I know that mine did. The  bpdfamily helped me learn to deal with it much better. I hope that we can help you as well.

From what you have written, it seems clear you will get good ideas and support here if you continue to read and post.

What do you think is the right direction for you, and the best kind of help you hope to get here? There is a lot of information here - articles, workshops, etc. - and we'll help you find what you need.

Keep posting - it is very therapeutic, and you will be greeted by so many people with circumstanced similar to your own. You will be amazed. Take care of yourself.

[Gussy86]

The info on this site has been amazing... .Honestly just putting a name and some reasoning to this has been a huge help