Relationship with adult child is not working

[Sooooconfused]

I’m so depressed.  My adult daughter blames me for her issues. What upsets me is that she publishes all of her writings on social media about what a terrible mother I’ve been.  She writes mistruths which hurt me greatly.  I have done a good job of ignoring them, but I couldn’t hold back the other day. She’s very much against bullying and blaming.  Yet she is hypocritical doing this to me.  I feel like she doesn’t want me in her life. I feel  But I know it’s her illness.  Accepting her mean behavior makes me feel that I’m getting walked all over.  I don’t deserve to be treated this way.  I don’t want to convey it’s okay to treat me like dirt.  Yet I do want to have unconditional love.

I’m thinking of writing her to see if she’d be willing to have a therapy session with my therapist over the phone.  She no longer goes to a therapist because he had to let her go. She has anorexia and he didn’t feel qualified to handle it unless she saw someone else. (We had a phone conversation with her therapist early in the summer which helped.) She’s not in denial about her eating disorder.  It scares me to death.  She writes how she’s wasting away to get her mother’s love. The thing is I’m always here for her. She approached me about her eating disorder because she knows I get it.  Her fiancé made a comment about her stomach and she felt suicidal.  Yet now it’s all because of me.
I’m sorry I’m all over the place. I walk on eggshells.  I never give advice unless it’s asked for.  She doesn’t have a problem taking our money for her wedding... no appreciation.  I never bring this up.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi Soo,
 Thank you for writing here.  You are in the right place.  You are also in the right frame of mind to state that you don't deserve to be treated that way because you don't!.  Good plan in place about asking her to talk to your therapist with you and good on you that you have one for yourself.  Keep us posted and write here as often as you need to.