Hello everyone,
Usually I only ever post when there is a crisis, well there hasn't been any for a while, so I want to tell you all what has been happening.
Things I changed:-
- stopped focusing on him and am focusing on me
- no matter what happens I haven't got involved and this has transferred the focus of his rants to his family, the police, CMHT, random strangers and away from me
- spending time out and about no matter what his mood might be having fun with our son
- accepted a weekly play date for s6 and then I go swimming
- volunteer one morning a week helping out in sons school
- meet another mum for coffee once a week
- no longer assume responsibility for his mental health
- have my first therapy session next week
- no JADE have tried SET for a few issues that have arisen
- tolerate not even a raised voice, I say I will come back later when things are calmer.
- have relinquished the crushing control I had over so many aspects of his life because I felt so out of control
- have acknowledged my part in the chaos ( it has taken 8 years to get to this point )
Things he changed:-
- started reconnecting with mental health service because I no longer trying to be his therapist
- started to manage and take ownership of his misuse of medication
- has been taking our son out more often skateboarding
- has managed to self soothe a couple of times when left to calm down
- has suggested that we ask my mum to babysit so we might go out ( even if it doesn't happen the suggestion might keep me going for at least a year
)
This post is not suggesting that everything is perfect, but the last time I posted I was in the process of laying down some boundaries, reclaiming some life for myself so was caught up in a succession of extinction bursts which probably aren't over yet. However, there is a shift but it is inside me and I was waiting for it to come from him.
I feel different, less stressed, less absorbed in it all, I don't feel as though I am carrying his stuff as well which has freed me up emotionally and has given me more physical space for life. Weird, but good weird. It's great not to post in crisis for a change.
