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BPDFamily.com
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
My BPD died
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Topic: My BPD died (Read 430 times)
Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412
My BPD died
«
on:
September 20, 2018, 03:47:57 AM »
I found out my BPD ex passed away last month... .and I almost feel guilty I couldn’t save her... .not even sure why I’m even taking this so
hard as we haven’t spoken in years.
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Sirnut
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 89
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #1 on:
September 20, 2018, 04:19:16 AM »
Is it because you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye? I think that’s the thing that will hit me if/when the time comes.
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Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #2 on:
September 20, 2018, 04:27:14 AM »
Hmm maybe. But we did reunite a few years later and she apologized. I really felt like I got closure. I think maybe it was just more of a shock... .she was only 32, and such a mess with BPD and drug addiction. The thing is though, it really seemed these past few years that she had gotten her life together. She married, had 2 stepkids, held a job and, most importantly, stayed clean and out of jail... .truly I was happy for her.
Not sure what happened. Her mom described it as a “short illness”... and her sister changed the subject completely soo I suspect it was an overdose. Dunno, the whole thing is just so sad.
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Mustbeabetterway
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 633
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #3 on:
September 20, 2018, 05:44:25 AM »
Hi Beachbabe,
I’m so sorry. Of course, you are taking it hard. You lost someone who was once very important in your life. 32 is very young. I think it’s important to acknowledge it and to accept your sad feelings at this loss.
Along with sadness, I suspect this brings up other feelings from the past as well.
Be kind to yourself.
Mustbe
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spero
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 224
*beep beep!*
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #4 on:
September 20, 2018, 11:27:53 PM »
Hi there Beachbabe,
Quote from: Beach_Babe on September 20, 2018, 03:47:57 AM
I found out my BPD ex passed away last month... .and I almost feel guilty I couldn’t save her... .not even sure why I’m even taking this so
hard as we haven’t spoken in years.
I'm so sorry you had to find this out without more so without closure. This is something i do fear deep down inside as well. It's okay to feel the way you do, don't be too hard on yourself. There must be alot going in your head now about the what ifs... .but Beachbabe, be kind to yourself even though its difficult. You might not have the energy or capacity to do so now, but i hope you'll do so in time with baby steps.
Yours,
Spero
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MeandThee29
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 977
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #5 on:
September 21, 2018, 03:50:19 PM »
Very, very hard. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. Hugs!
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Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #6 on:
September 21, 2018, 11:38:30 PM »
Must’ve: thank you and yeah I really do feel bad. I wish I could
have saved her. It brings up tons of past feelings.
Spero: : thank you also for your kind words. May I ask why you fear it as well? Does yours struggle with SI or addiction?
Meandthee: *hugs* to you as well. How are you ?
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MeandThee29
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 977
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #7 on:
September 22, 2018, 05:59:28 AM »
Quote from: Beach_Babe on September 21, 2018, 11:38:30 PM
Spero: : thank you also for your kind words. May I ask why you fear it as well? Does yours struggle with SI or addiction?
Meandthee: *hugs* to you as well. How are you ?
Spero -- I fear that as well. Mine has isolated himself and has significant health issues. Both aren't good. The way the dynamic is with his family, I wonder if they would even call me.
And yes, I'm doing well. Truly. Every day is like an unfolding story. I'm seeing much, much more positive than negative these days.
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Mutt
Retired Staff
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #8 on:
September 22, 2018, 06:09:18 PM »
Hi Beach_Beach,
I’m sorry to hear the news. I’m also for yh circumstances that led you back to the site. It’s nice to see a familiar old face and I’m glad that you turned to us in difficult times. Hang in there.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #9 on:
September 30, 2018, 03:33:29 PM »
All I can say, for those still struggling is know these feelings shall pass. Hold your head high, focus on you and resist the urge to be mean or retaliate . Trust me when I say you will regret it, knowing something harsh was the last thing you said.
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Chitchat
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Romantic (on - off) August 2017 to June 2018. DV. Both reached out but both mostly No Contact since.
Posts: 106
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #10 on:
October 03, 2018, 07:10:54 AM »
I don't think these feelings do pass.
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Che sara, sara.
Toohurt
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #11 on:
October 03, 2018, 08:00:25 AM »
I’m sorry for the barrage of emotions you must be going through right now. Love and light.
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spero
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 224
*beep beep!*
Re: My BPD died
«
Reply #12 on:
October 04, 2018, 01:40:31 AM »
Hello there,
@Beach_babe, my uBPDex had addiction issues, and a certain degree of co-morbidity with NPD. I am almost at the one year mark for going NC. It has been a long journey but it's fine.
@MeandThee29, my time with my uBPFex family, showed me that the disorder ran deep in the family, that devaluation and judgement passed by her own mother about me physical illness and there were certain markers in her extended family that were a cause for concern, especially the DV in the extended family. There was a certain psychopathology about that i was too naive to believe that those markers didn't exist in my uBPDex. I did love her very much, but at one point, i just had to walk away and i gave her the doorslam. I still miss her, i do. But i know very well what it leads to.
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