Self-harm or suicide threats

[MJ12]

Hello! I'm new to the community. My son has been diagnosed with BPD. He's 21 years old. He's attempted suicide 3 times. Cuts himself. He's a drug addict and a gambling addict. His father and I are divorced 12+ years. He lives with his Dad. I'm very frustrated because his father enables him. Gives him money and means. He has no boundaries and enforces no limits. He's afraid that if he doesn't give in to our son's demands, our son will kill himself. Help! I disagree with the way my ex is handling this. We need to jointly agree how to handle this. But I can't control his actions. What do I do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello MJ12, welcome to bpdfamily.

I am sorry to hear of what has brought you here and I want to let you know that I hear and understand your frustration.

I can relate somewhat to what you have written, my uBPD son (undiagnosed) has gone NC (no contact) with me, and my mother has basically stepped into my shoes. My problem is that I have no control over what my mother says to him, I fear that she validates everything he tells her. She does not accept that he has anything wrong with him which makes it impossible to discuss with her.

What is your relationship like with your ex husband, are you able to discuss your concerns with him? Has your son always lived with his dad since your divorce?

Hope to hear more from you x 

[Only Human]

Hi MJ12 

I join FeelingBetter in welcoming you to BPD Family.

It's definitely more of a challenge when loved ones aren't working together, but all hope is not lost. I'm glad you've come here, as a strong support system is so important. When I was very new here, someone said to me, "we've got you." And we do 

Again, welcome. I look forward to getting to know you.

~ OH