Isolated

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been seeing a therapist for a while and she suggested that I may be in a relationship with a BPD partner. My partner is not in a place to even start a conversation about receiving help. I feel like I am living with this giant secret. I want nothing more than to talk with my partner about my concerns but feel that the conversation would likely end in rage, accusations, pit of despair, etc. So I am feeling isolated, frustrated, and very sad. I am looking for a community to walk with me and offer hope and encouragement.

[Pursuit of Happy]

I have been seeing a therapist for a while and she suggested that I may be in a relationship with a BPD partner. My partner is not in a place to even start a conversation about receiving help. I feel like I am living with this giant secret. I want nothing more than to talk with my partner about my concerns but feel that the conversation would likely end in rage, accusations, pit of despair, etc. So I am feeling isolated, frustrated, and very sad. I am looking for a community to walk with me and offer hope and encouragement.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[blue_watermelon]

Hi Pursuit of Happy,

I feel you! That is exactly how I feel and why I joined here earlier this week. It already feels better to be able to write stuff down here and hear what other people are going through in similar situations.

How long have you been together with your partner?

[Pursuit of Happy]

Thank you blue_watermelon. I agree. Even that first post felt like taking a load off!
We have been together for 10 years. We have 3 little kids together.
I have suspected BPD for a little over a year and over that time, his symptoms have been very consistent with BPD. I can look back on our emotionally intense relationship and make some sense out of confusing situations and behaviors. In that, I feel blessed to know what I am working with.
However, it is a double edged sword. I can also see the mountain of denial he lives under and his unwillingness to accept real help. He has a BS in Psychology so has a basic understanding of personality disorders. He has often referred to people living with BPD as “the worst of the worst” (in true BPD style).

[blue_watermelon]

Hi Pursuit of Happy,

It is such a huge thing to work through - that your husband is this intelligent man who understands psychology and knows about BPD, but his self-loathing is such that he will not be able to reconcile this diagnosis with himself. I am at the stage where I am also grappling with just how big the mountain of denial truly is. In some ways, seeing the mountain's size is scary, and in other ways, I feel it is good to know just how big the mountain is because it means that my thinking was correct, and the way my husband tried to get me to see things, was actually a misrepresentation on several levels. I see what you mean about the double-edged sword.

Are you practicing boundaries in certain areas to look after the wellbeing of you and your kids? Are there particular areas of your life together that you would like to address, knowing that you cannot confront your husband directly?