Hi byfaith,
how are you doing?
to see if she will change her mind. That's why I am posting on the staying board
who knows she may come back? You can't really control her. Understanding the detachment process may relevant in many ways (more on that later). Take a look at the
leaving board LESSONS. Even if she has not left for good the material will help you now navigating the situation. Another workshop recommended may be the one on
co-dependency and enmeshment - again for multiple reasons.
Her depression, her son with a stroke disability and then her son having a psychotic break with schizophrenia. I love this woman after almost 3 years together
These circumstances which are certainly very tough for any person to deal with and may stretch her emotional coping capacity. What made you believe he wants and he can cope alone?
We met and we had common wants in life that had to do with living a simple Christian life together.
Living with a not recovered pwBPD is about as opposite to simple as it gets. She certainly wants it like you do but is she capable to live it? How important is this vision of a life compared with your relationship with her?
Her son that has the SZ is all the world to her, she admits he comes first. What has happened is that We had moved him 400 miles away to have his own place but now she cannot leave him because she needs to care for him.
Is it true that she is needed or does she need the feeling to be needed? Is it true in the short term and is it true in the long term? Letting go of children is a difficult process and pwBPD struggle with detachment.
Or do they love that strongly that they are willing to leave someone so they don’t have to drag the other down with them? Could she be in a dysregulated state? She says she is keeping with the decision she has made but she keeps saying she is sorry and how sad this is making her. She refuses to cry. I am being kind to her and being her friend.
Not sure love or sex got much to do with it. This may be either a real or perceived need of the son or her struggling to letting go of her son.
Is there something wrong with me?
Not really, probably not more than with all of us
. It is not your lack of love or trying or anything else on your side that is causing problems here .
In a situation like the one you are in it is tempting to run after her and beg her to come back. You do that too often and you start feeling even more hopeless and loose your self respect and her respect. A temporary break can be also a good thing as it dampens the daily drama and helps to decrease enmeshment (for which the sex issues may be an indication - she may well not have a problem with you but with herself and due to the lack of boundaries the two become too similar). Validation and boundaries continue to be as important as before - as is self care. Maybe a good idea to use the time to maintain and rebuild other relationships. Also maybe a good time to think about where you want your life to be heading. It certainly was not going where you said wanted it to go (calm etc... ) but then I also doubt she was the calmest person you could possibly meet (maybe you like actually some of her spontaneity and intensity). Whether you get together or not some course corrections are needed in any case... .
Hang in there ,
an0ught
