suicide attempt anniversary

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex BPD GF took a cocktail of pills on the evening of the 6th November 2012, we had had an argument and I walked out having had enough of her tantrums and the blame, ' its all your fault', On the Monday the 5th I had texted her to say I wanted to work things out between us and could we meet? She texted back that she ' was running away' tomorrow, I thought she meant going on holiday for a few days. Next day I discovered to my shock what she had done. She nearly died, when she was found the paramedics had to do CPR for 45 minutes before they could get her into the ambulance. A year on and I still find it hard to believe how calculating she was, no one had the slightest idea what she had been planning for as it turns out possibly months. She had kept the formula for the cocktail that she found when she cleared out her fathers things months earlier father he died. He was a member of Exit the self suicide organisation. When this formula was found it exonerated me to some degree. I helped her back to health and then was unceremoniously dumped and told never to contact her ever again, from saviour to hated figure in a matter of weeks - sound familiar? I am feeling ok, thinking about her and hoping she is well. Wondering if she is thinking about me , but I doubt it, its been a year of absolute hell for me but I have learned a valuable lesson about BPD and NPD. She awoke from her coma on the 10th so that will be the day that it will start top feel like it is behind me to some degree. I don't think I will ever completely get over this episode however.

[Calm Waters]

My ex BPD GF took a cocktail of pills on the evening of the 6th November 2012, we had had an argument and I walked out having had enough of her tantrums and the blame, ' its all your fault', On the Monday the 5th I had texted her to say I wanted to work things out between us and could we meet? She texted back that she ' was running away' tomorrow, I thought she meant going on holiday for a few days. Next day I discovered to my shock what she had done. She nearly died, when she was found the paramedics had to do CPR for 45 minutes before they could get her into the ambulance. A year on and I still find it hard to believe how calculating she was, no one had the slightest idea what she had been planning for as it turns out possibly months. She had kept the formula for the cocktail that she found when she cleared out her fathers things months earlier father he died. He was a member of Exit the self suicide organisation. When this formula was found it exonerated me to some degree. I helped her back to health and then was unceremoniously dumped and told never to contact her ever again, from saviour to hated figure in a matter of weeks - sound familiar? I am feeling ok, thinking about her and hoping she is well. Wondering if she is thinking about me , but I doubt it, its been a year of absolute hell for me but I have learned a valuable lesson about BPD and NPD. She awoke from her coma on the 10th so that will be the day that it will start top feel like it is behind me to some degree. I don't think I will ever completely get over this episode however.

[Reg]

Hi Calm Waters,

That is quite a story ! So sorry to hear about that.

Does she still think of you, that is your question, and I'd say yes, she does.  I get the feeling that the breakup from her side after you cared for her after the suicide attempt, has a lot to do with the shame that she is feeling of her act.  And we know someone with BPD can not deal with shame or guilt.  By removing you out of her life she does no longer have to deal with the shame I think that she experiences towards you and her own.

I've been stopping twice the same person with BPD from a suicide attempt in the past.  The reward was that I did get painted black ... .

I think somewhere we all do hope that our ex partners will seek help one day and have a chance to become happy themselves.  Reality is that only few of them actually seek help.

Good to hear that you're on the right path !

Reg

[Surnia]

Hi Calm Waters

When someone is sharing his experience going through attempts or even worse with his partner I feel so much respect, more than words can express. I think it is really a big challenge.

Its a very hard lesson you had to go through.

[Calm Waters]

It gets worse, after her attempt last year, my older son 25 who has been seriously damaged by both recreational drugs and a BPD ex girlfriend that really messed him up for years became suicidal and was nearly sectioned under the mental health act. He seems to be improving and is into this guy John DiRuitter! any way its helping him so I reserve judgement. Now my younger son  nearly 18 who has for most of his life been the most delightful boy is struggling. Just a few minutes ago we had a big row as I have been waiting all day to take him to the youth support service to try and get him in to work. He has dropped out of college, has not had a job for  over a year, stays in bed until 3pm, pretends he is ok but he clearly isn't. He just admitted to me that he cant sleep, that he is depressed, he maintains he is off the recreational drugs but has no motivation and says he is ' hited up', I explained to him that he can recover, he has seen me recover over the last year from the desperate state I was in after the suicide attempt by my ex GF. I think strongly now that my BPD mother and NPD father have given me a legacy of mental disorder that I have passed on to my sons. We tried so hard to be better parents and its so hard to realise that I have unconsciously failed them both. My occasional bouts of narcisistic rage have left a scar I believe and though I have never been physically violent I know that the words hurt just as much.

So I am sitting here having stopped crying for my lost sons and my lost childhood to BPD. My mother is dyeing at 87, she is BPD because her mother hated her and tried to murder her when she was a child, and o it goes on endlessly repeating the damage. In this moment its hard to bear, I love my sons  so much, but i actually wish I had known then what I know now and had a vasectomy before having children as my older brother did at 25. It really is hard to know hat to do, I have made a doctors appointment for the younger one, who seems that he will be on the same trajectory as his older brother, depression - drugs - failed relationships - drugs - depression - prescription drugs - counselling and so on and so on - how hiting marvellous!

[Calm Waters]

Ok so this evening a year go is when she tried to take her life, thankfully she failed or I might not have been alive to write this. I am feeling strong, letting the feelings in and sitting with them. I just hope she can find happiness and the peace she seeks one day when she wakes up from her BPD inner chaos, sadly it wont be with me. I love you still Hannahbelle

[santa]

It's awful when people do things that hurt them and then try to pin the blame on you. My exBPDgf got a DUI this summer (not her first) and said it was my fault, even though I wasn't with her and she was on her way to another state 300 miles away to check in with her probation officer from a prior DUI. It's my fault she was drinking and driving though, right?

As far as failed suicide attempts go, they've got to be a cry for help. If anyone really wants to kill themselves, it's not that hard. Go find the a tall building and jump off of it. Problem solved. If you've "tried" to kill yourself and failed, then you really didn't want to die. You just wanted attention.

[strikeforce]

Im sorry to hear your story Calm Waters 

I can remember my BPDex keeping me awake some nights with her threatening to self harm or worse. It was a complete nightmare.

Even out of the relationship she still does it.