Detachment process caused by severe trauma

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am fairly new here and am no longer with my BPD girlfriend the detachment part began for me within this past year when her anger and rage arose out of nowhere it came as a shock when I had family at my home and she blew on me and them it was horrific. I knew last fall it had to end but her own sister did not want her and she had nowhere to go. My partner had travelled to Mn for the death of her nephew her sisters son, my partner made a mess out of the wake and funeral. Her sis had no idea of how to handle it I suggested put her in hospital at Mayo. She was dropped off and left with no money or any means to get back to Illinois the hospital got her a train ticket and there I was the only one to take her in. This was September 2014, she was also manic and combative with me and obviously delusional, I woke up at 1 am to find her with foot powder spray in her hair all lights on and painting the bathroom wall black, not to mention the continuous calls to the women she had met at the hospital professing love to them in front of me. I took her to crisis center and away she went and then spiraled into the depression deep dark hole. It's almost Christmas and once again my holidays ruined like the previous 4 years, I was again miserable and sinking into my own depression. I have come a long way and recycled many times over our five year relationship, the most hurtful being that she would say very negative things about me to my friends when they would come over for dinner, that is where the deep cut began and I knew I had to detach for my own well being. I basically went thru the whole process on my own not much therapy to address it. Her therapy was always more important and I allowed that and again put myself in the back seat making my needs less important. There is a whole lot more to my story which involves my mother whom I truly believe was BPD and is deceased now but caused such trauma for me during the time I first met my ex BPD partner.

I will have to go back to the beginning of the trauma I suffered like my mother changing locks on the doors of my own house just to maintain her own control over the situation. I was mortified and actually was breaking down at that point and was forced to move in with my newly found BPD/bipolar friend and live in her friends home until I could get legal rights to my own home. She put an order of protection on me as well and I was teaching art at the local college and my mother was in my class at the time, of course she told everyone who would listen i abused her and I left my job that I loved so much because of the torment of the lies being told. My mother passed before I could get any closure, I forgive but never will forget the pain she caused me, I still get waves of anger now and then but am much better now. I am a well known outsider artist and in many major collections, the suffering I have endured has yet to come out in my work but will when I can totally heal from the traumas. 

[Eye438]

I am fairly new here and am no longer with my BPD girlfriend the detachment part began for me within this past year when her anger and rage arose out of nowhere it came as a shock when I had family at my home and she blew on me and them it was horrific. I knew last fall it had to end but her own sister did not want her and she had nowhere to go. My partner had travelled to Mn for the death of her nephew her sisters son, my partner made a mess out of the wake and funeral. Her sis had no idea of how to handle it I suggested put her in hospital at Mayo. She was dropped off and left with no money or any means to get back to Illinois the hospital got her a train ticket and there I was the only one to take her in. This was September 2014, she was also manic and combative with me and obviously delusional, I woke up at 1 am to find her with foot powder spray in her hair all lights on and painting the bathroom wall black, not to mention the continuous calls to the women she had met at the hospital professing love to them in front of me. I took her to crisis center and away she went and then spiraled into the depression deep dark hole. It's almost Christmas and once again my holidays ruined like the previous 4 years, I was again miserable and sinking into my own depression. I have come a long way and recycled many times over our five year relationship, the most hurtful being that she would say very negative things about me to my friends when they would come over for dinner, that is where the deep cut began and I knew I had to detach for my own well being. I basically went thru the whole process on my own not much therapy to address it. Her therapy was always more important and I allowed that and again put myself in the back seat making my needs less important. There is a whole lot more to my story which involves my mother whom I truly believe was BPD and is deceased now but caused such trauma for me during the time I first met my ex BPD partner.

I will have to go back to the beginning of the trauma I suffered like my mother changing locks on the doors of my own house just to maintain her own control over the situation. I was mortified and actually was breaking down at that point and was forced to move in with my newly found BPD/bipolar friend and live in her friends home until I could get legal rights to my own home. She put an order of protection on me as well and I was teaching art at the local college and my mother was in my class at the time, of course she told everyone who would listen i abused her and I left my job that I loved so much because of the torment of the lies being told. My mother passed before I could get any closure, I forgive but never will forget the pain she caused me, I still get waves of anger now and then but am much better now. I am a well known outsider artist and in many major collections, the suffering I have endured has yet to come out in my work but will when I can totally heal from the traumas. 

[OnceConfused]

where do you want to go from here?

The past is the past, don't waste your present moment by worrying about the past which are already been done and the future which are not yet here.

[Eye438]

I am in a healing phase of my life I have endured to much trauma going to focus on getting a body of work together and enjoy my home and 2 dogs I am interested in any relationships at this time I think I need a year of just breathing and enjoying life

[Mutt]

Hi Eye438,



I'm sorry you're going through all of this  

the most hurtful being that she would say very negative things about me to my friends when they would come over for dinner, that is where the deep cut began and I knew I had to detach for my own well being.

I can see how that would feel embarrasing. This was my achille's heel when my ex partner would emabarrass me in front of family.

I will have to go back to the beginning of the trauma I suffered like my mother changing locks on the doors of my own house just to maintain her own control over the situation.

I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult childhood. My father shows signs of mental illness ( NPD ) he would put a pad lock a refrigerator and the house felt like a jail.

I can see how hard that would be if your mom is your class and told students that you were abusive

It helps to talk.

Who has an order of protection on you? I'm sorry I'm confused when you say you're new found BPD/BiP friend. You recycled 4-5 times with your partner with BPD?

I like that "healing phase". I took a break and had a healing phase too.

[Eye438]

where do you want to go from here?

The past is the past, don't waste your present moment by worrying about the past which are already been done and the future which are not yet here.

I am trying to give history for purposes of this message board I am not one to dwell on the past and have always been able to move forward but Rhodes experiences have really scarred me particularly my mothers actions.

[Eye438]

Hi Eye438,



I'm sorry you're going through all of this  

the most hurtful being that she would say very negative things about me to my friends when they would come over for dinner, that is where the deep cut began and I knew I had to detach for my own well being.

My mother put order of protection on me because she did not like my new BPD partner that was 6 years ago my mother lived with me In my house needless to say it was devastating I truly believe now my mother was BPD also from the abuses I endured from her something I could never pinpoint even tho I knew she had some sort of mental illness. Thank you for caring   

I can see how that would feel embarrasing. This was my achille's heel when my ex partner would emabarrass me in front of family.

I will have to go back to the beginning of the trauma I suffered like my mother changing locks on the doors of my own house just to maintain her own control over the situation.

I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult childhood. My father shows signs of mental illness ( NPD ) he would put a pad lock a refrigerator and the house felt like a jail.

I can see how hard that would be if your mom is your class and told students that you were abusive

It helps to talk.

Who has an order of protection on you? I'm sorry I'm confused when you say you're new found BPD/BiP friend. You recycled 4-5 times with your partner with BPD?

I like that "healing phase". I took a break and had a healing phase too.

[Mutt]

My mother put order of protection on me because she did not like my new BPD partner that was 6 years ago my mother lived with me In my house needless to say it was devastating I truly believe now my mother was BPD also from the abuses I endured from her something I could never pinpoint even tho I knew she had some sort of mental illness. Thank you for caring   

I understand. It took me until later in life to see that I had someone mentally ill in my family when I had a relationship with a mentally ill ex partner. It helped me identify that my adult patterns where from my FOO, I had repressed a lot of painful feelings from my father and family members.

I carried a lot of guilt and shame from my family. It was emotionally abusive in childhood and is emotionally abusive in adulthood as well. It helps to share these feelings with members that can relate.

We have a coping and healing board with members that had mental illness with a family member:

[L5] Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw

[Eye438]

My mother put order of protection on me because she did not like my new BPD partner that was 6 years ago my mother lived with me In my house needless to say it was devastating I truly believe now my mother was BPD also from the abuses I endured from her something I could never pinpoint even tho I knew she had some sort of mental illness. Thank you for caring   

I understand. It took me until later in life to see that I had someone mentally ill in my family when I had a relationship with a mentally ill ex partner. It helped me identify that my adult patterns where from my FOO, I had repressed a lot of painful feelings from my father and family members.

Thank you for your help I so appreciate it

I carried a lot of guilt and shame from my family. It was emotionally abusive in childhood and is emotionally abusive in adulthood as well. It helps to share these feelings with members that can relate.

We have a coping and healing board with members that had mental illness with a family member:

[L5] Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw

My mother put order of protection on me because she did not like my new BPD partner that was 6 years ago my mother lived with me In my house needless to say it was devastating I truly believe now my mother was BPD also from the abuses I endured from her something I could never pinpoint even tho I knew she had some sort of mental illness. Thank you for caring   

I understand. It took me until later in life to see that I had someone mentally ill in my family when I had a relationship with a mentally ill ex partner. It helped me identify that my adult patterns where from my FOO, I had repressed a lot of painful feelings from my father and family members.

I carried a lot of guilt and shame from my family. It was emotionally abusive in childhood and is emotionally abusive in adulthood as well. It helps to share these feelings with members that can relate.

We have a coping and healing board with members that had mental illness with a family member:

[L5] Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw

[twanda2020]

I am not interested in any romantic relationships right now either. My Mom thinks I should get back out there, I think she has an unspoken fear I will be alone and never try again. I told her I am not ready right now, but I will be in the future. I need to be right with me first. I need to trust my ability to pick healthy people. For me I think it is healthy to take time before jumping into another romantic relationship. For varies reasons pwBPD don't see it that way.  

I am however very interested in being social again. Even though I was in a long term realtionship I felt alone and lonely alot. So for me this seems like a good place to start, with building new friendships and reconnecting with old friends. Building my trust in myself and my ability to have healthy connections.