What would you do?

[Depression = 72% of members]

The last 3 months my xBpd has moved in with my replacement near where i live. I bumped into her on a big street. She was going up - me down on opposite sidewalks. She saw me from around 30m distance and came into mine. Then i did the opposite and went to the other sidewalk. I didnt want to come face to face with her. I dont forget all the bad things she has done and i wanted to show her that im not interested in talking not even saying hi. I think that she would try to hug me, open a conversation and maybe trying to manipulate me. I feel relieved with my desicion.

What would you do?

Thanks in advance

[hibye]

The last 3 months my xBpd has moved in with my replacement near where i live. I bumped into her on a big street. She was going up - me down on opposite sidewalks. She saw me from around 30m distance and came into mine. Then i did the opposite and went to the other sidewalk. I didnt want to come face to face with her. I dont forget all the bad things she has done and i wanted to show her that im not interested in talking not even saying hi. I think that she would try to hug me, open a conversation and maybe trying to manipulate me. I feel relieved with my desicion.

What would you do?

Thanks in advance

[adventurer]

I would probably have an anxiety panic, be afraid to walk across to the other sidewalk because I would feel like that would make me look weak or appear to be a bad person. I would be nervous to set such an obvious boundary of complete avoidance with another person.

But I think these are all negative co-dependent traits which I'm continuing to work to eliminate. 

[enlighten me]

I have a son with my exgf so I have to see her. That said early on I had my son for the day and went into town with him. I saw my ex walking towards me. She hadn't seen me and I panicked. I thought of ducking in a shop before she saw me. Instead I carried on walking and said hello to her and let her say hello to our son.

It wasn't pleasant. I was quite shaken up by it and in a way felt violated. Now though I don't worry about seeing my ex. I don't know if it was purely time that's done this but I personally think all my interactions have desensitised me. NC is very useful but if you have to have dealings with them then theres a lot to be said for desensitising yourself when you feel up to it.

[Mutt]

Hi hibye,

I have kids with my ex partner too and I have to see her on switch on / switch off days and things were emotionally raw after the break-up and I was suffering from PTSD symptoms.

I found I was triggered with high anxiety and hyper-vigilance before, during and after the times I had to exchange the kids. I completely understand why you didn't want to come face to face with your ex on a big street.

[lovenature]

My ex lives across the street and refuses to leave me alone, NC on my end has worked for me to a point; I inevitably hear and see her, I desperately want to reach indifference to her. I agree with enlighten me; for us who can't have 100% NC, I think if we can desensitize it will help to detach and heal.

I had 5 months of no face to face with my ex, when one night she walked over and surprised me; she acted like we just saw each other a few days prior, and her behaviour had only gotten worse. I felt better for a short time; seeing her after learning about BPD, showed me just how much FOG I was in. Didn't take long before I was letting her in again; mistake every time!

I don't look at her property because it hurts too much from what we both showed each other in our relationship. I try to ignore her and not give her the attention she wants, like you; I don't even want to say hi. I have tried some LC recently, but didn't go well.

Good decision on your part to do what you felt was best for you.