Looking for.some hope

[FaithHopeLove]

My DS 24 was recently diagnosed with BPD after being hospitalized for SH
 He also uses and sells marijuana (how he makes his money) and sometimes uses other drugs. His gf of 8 years recently broke up with him so that is also hard on him

He is now in an outpatient drug and counseling program
Yesterday evening he called and said he was having an anxiety attack and asked to come over
So my husband picked him.up
 He admitted to.using cocaine earlier
When he got to our house he said he needed to.smoke a joint to calm down
We allowed him to do that
 Then he talked and texted with someone perhaps his counseler and now he is sleeping
 My heart is breaking. This is not the life I wanted for him
My husband just recently recovered from kidney cancer (thank God) so there has been a lot on my plate
I am in therapy and sometimes go to Al Anon. I have lots of friends
 Also I am an ordained minister with lots of spiritual support from the church world
But I still hurt a lot so I am thankful for this space
Today was the first Sunday in Advent whose theme is hope
Where is the hope for my family?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello FaithHopeLove

Welcome to bpdfamily   I sorry what brings you here, I'm also glad you found us and joined us here for support and learning how you can help yourself, with our support.

I hear you, you're heartbroken, it's overwhelming, you are grieving and in need of a hug    I'm glad your son reached out to you, when he needed help, that he has done this is significant, he trusts you, they are positive steps from my personal experience and if it was his counsellor he texted that too. My 30 yr daughter (30DD), was diagnosed at 26 like your son after hospitalisation for self harm, she's now managing her BPD post DBT with meds for depression, mood, anxiety. It's been a journey.

There is Hope.

It's a recent diagnosis, it appears he's taken it well in the sense he's attending outpatient drug and counselling. That was my DD's first step, she was alcohol dependent. She said the mindfulness element of the programme was very helpful. Is there a treatment plan apart from the drug programme?

Was you son highly dependent on his girlfriend? Is he now living alone?

I'm glad you have your faith and a strong support network, therapist and family here who truly understand, is critical to help you move forwards.

Have you read much about BPD?

Your right it's not the life we wanted for our children. They have to find a life worth living for them and that's different.

We're walking with you.

Hope.

WDx
PS in 2016 my DD rescued a kitten and she called it Hope.

[FaithHopeLove]

Thank you for such a thoughtful and loving response. He called again last night around 3am because he felt lonely. I think the fact that he reaches out is positive. He used to just bottle his feelings up. He was very dependent on his gf and the breakup is agonizing to him. He lives alone now in an apartment nearby. He cannot live with us because he sells weed (illegally) for a living and we can't have that happening in our home. Also I don't think it would be emotionally healthy. He and his now ex girlfriend did live with us for 3 years after they left college (She graduated. He didn't) and it was a disaster. The lease on his apartment (still under gf name) runs out in March so we are trying to explore housing options with him. He wants to buy a co op which would be great but he may not be able to do that unless we co sign for the loan which we will not do
 So that is another issue to be resolved.

The treatment plan is for him to first complete the program he is in and then he can be part of a DBT group.

I am encouraged to hear that there is hope for him to recover even though it may take a while. The fact that your daughter has improved over the last 4 years since diagnosis is good to hear.

[Harri]

HI.  I agree that it is promising that he reached out to you!  That is great news.  Also that he will be able to start DBT.  Will that happen soon?

I am glad to read that your husband is recovered.  That is a huge battle all on it's own.   It sounds like you have a great IRL support system.  I think it is good you are here as well able to share with other parents experiencing similar issues with their kids. 

Keep reaching out and I hope you feel comfortable hanging out and reading and posting in other threads.  Being able to add a supportive community of people who get it to your already healthy support system is important.

I'm glad you are here.   

[Huat]

Hello FaithHopeLove

I'm joining Wendydarling and Harri in welcoming you here... .years ago this a place I never thought I would be... .and I'll bet you can echo that comment.

I have to admit that I was a "holier-than-thou" before our uBPD daughter started to exhibit the behaviours of one who suffers from this terrible mental illness.  Living in a small community, not much is hidden.  I have been humbled.

I've used the saying before... ."what doesn't destroy you, makes you strong"... .and bit-by-bit I have started to feel that strength.  I hope the same happens to you as you embark on this journey with your son.  While one should never say to another ... ."I know how you feel"... .experiencing what we are experiencing does tend to help us be more empathetic to others who walk down similar paths.

Our children are adults.  While the one we suspect as suffering from BPD, it is the other who succumbed to opioid addiction and who, thankfully, is now in a recovery programme... .but not out of the woods as yet.

It is so good that you are arming yourself with all the supports you can find... .being in therapy... .Al Anon... .supportive friends... .and coming here.  You are being pro-active.

For sure your heart breaks for your son... .my heart breaks, too.  We are Moms.  From the time they were born, we have been teachers to our children... .and we will continue to teach... .staying as strong as we can be... .role-modelling as best as we can.

Hope to hear more from you, FaithHopeLove.   We are here to help each and gleen from the experiences of others.

Huat