Wow, a place to vent... phew

[Tinker925]

My wife and I have been together 6 years. I knew early on that she would exhibit signs of anger (she told me it was residual from a past abusive relationship) - at the time I told her I would not tolerate that kind of behavior and she was able to hold down her episodes for long periods of time.

She came to the relationship with two young children and seemed to have a problem holding down a job, since the kids were young we decided to have her be a stay at home mom. But now flash forward we have another baby together.  Since she stopped breast feeding her "melt downs" started to become once a month, I was blamed for EVERYTHING and I mean everything (kids messes, dog hair on the floor - you name it) then they became weekly - she threatens suicide at least once a week and even though I seem to be a trigger for her (I really cannot communicate much with her for fear I might say the wrong thing) she swears she will kill herself if I leave - which I know I can never do.  I would never leave the kids in this situation.

She has many triggers and has ran out of the house naked in 40 degree weather (I am sure our neighbors loved that), she is extremely impulsive (jumps out of a car and runs into traffic) and once tried to kill all of us by swerving our car in and out of traffic at 90 mph almost losing control. Her episodes are increasing in frequency and intensity at an alarming rate. It has been awful... .

She now has a councelor and a psychiatrist (they downplay her diagnosis) AND we go to couples councelling. Her 10year old son is starting the same melt downs so now I have two BPDs.  She self medicates with pot and also has a prescription.

I do love her dearly when she is not having a melt down, but the episodes take their toll on how I feel. She has deep fear of abandonment and I am doing my best to help her - is there ANY WAY SHE CAN GET BETTER?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Hi Tinker,

Welcome to the board. Your situation sounds very familiar to many of the stories here. Unfortunately there is no way to say whether she will get better or not. She is seeing a T, which may help. It may not.

Most important for you though is making sure that YOU are mentally ok. Even though our SO is the one with BPD, we, the nonBPD, have been contributing to the mess in our lives. This board really helps you determine what is your junk and what is hers. I highly suggest starting with the lessons on the right hand side of the page. They have been very helpful for me in giving me tools and a better understanding of what my future with my uBPDh may look like.

[Tinker925]

Hi Tinker,

Welcome to the board. Your situation sounds very familiar to many of the stories here. Unfortunately there is no way to say whether she will get better or not. She is seeing a T, which may help. It may not.

Most important for you though is making sure that YOU are mentally ok. Even though our SO is the one with BPD, we, the nonBPD, have been contributing to the mess in our lives. This board really helps you determine what is your junk and what is hers. I highly suggest starting with the lessons on the right hand side of the page. They have been very helpful for me in giving me tools and a better understanding of what my future with my uBPDh may look like.

Thank you! I will do just that

[Herodias]

I feel for you... .I went through allot of very erratic episodes with my husband... .really horrific and really horrible to be in the middle of. I can't even imagine how it would be with children. His girlfriend is about to find out, because she is pregnant and they are living together. He seems to be controlling himself now. I will say threatening to call the police helped, but yet it caused him to be "afraid of me"... .which is ridiculous! So it's all my fault. Sometimes I hear that having boundaries and sticking to them help. Sometimes I think that these particular types don't care. I have read therapy can help them... .they just have to want to do it and mine did not. Sorry you are going through this... .