Need expert therapist

[Miles1977]

  I need expert therapist for court. I have one for my children but I need one. I have a NPD , BPD, they have already run with children , made false molesting allegations, stole money… they are extreme blamer. I have been in this marriage 20 years. Had no clue what was going on until recently, I’m a male so In Tennessee I’m laughed at for insisting on DV, we have 5 children, help please

[BigOof]

To be honest with you, an expert therapist isn't going to help since it isn't illegal to have a personality disorder. The court won't even care since it isn't actionable information.

You need to focus on behavior. What behavior is your blamer engaging in? Then based on the behavior, you should look into experts.

What behaviors are troubling you? False allegations. What else?

[ForeverDad]

I too had "no clue" what I was dealing with, I didn't even know what Personality Disorders were.  I also didn't have names for the types that were "acting out" (hurting others more) or "acting in" (that were more hurting oneself).

BPD and NPD are among the types classified as acting out Cluster B group.

Then even when I sought counseling, the lady focused only on my FOO (family of origin).  That wasn't out of bounds of course, but I was astounded that for all my distresses about my then-spouse's misbehaviors there were no suggestions, no strategies?  I quit after three sessions that went nowhere helpful.  So don't feel bad if you consult a few counselors before you find helpful ones.

BigOof is correct in one aspect, courts and the professionals surrounding the courts are generally not interested in fixing a parent nor in labeling either parent with a diagnosis.  As I phrase it sometimes, they have jobs where they impact your life but, from their perspective, it's not their lives in the balance.

What makes a bigger difference, even if it doesn't seem so at first, is that you provide documentation of the other parent's poor behaviors and poor parenting.  That might be more than just recordings, perhaps texts or emails, witnesses to poor behaviors, doctor's records, school counselors, etc.

Are you blocked from parenting?  Even if the spouse filed for a protection order, usually it starts as "ex parte", filed by one party. There may even be a TPO, a temporary protection/restraining order.  That's in force for only a short time, usually just a couple weeks, until a hearing is schedule for both parents to make their case.  Sometime the temp order can be continued to future date to allow time for children's services (CPS) to do a quick and impartial assessment of the children.

I faced that.  In fact, my CPS official stood in court and stated they has "no concerns" with me or my parenting.  So the magistrate removed our preschooler from then-spouse's case and set a parenting schedule in place.  Yes, I was peeved that I was limited to alternate weekends (until my divorce was final, as it turned out) but my parenting wasn't blocked any longer.

Another thought, we strongly encourage that the children have counselors too.  They need portions of their sessions separate from the parents, probably even from each other, so the counselors can get a real sense of each child without others influencing them.  At the very least you should be a part of their counseling, so the counselors can see how each parent has interactions.

Understand that your kids may have already been primed against you.  That hurts, but you do have options and strategies going forward.  We here in peer support can help in many ways going forward.