how to deal with silent treatment

[bpdwife1000]

My husband has bpd but undiagnosed (he fits the symtoms 100%)
Now he has ups which everything is good and then downs where he is falling apart and wants to escape and drink and is totally stressed and depressed.  often during these times he gives silent treatment to me - what is the best response for me to give? Often I ignore the fact that he is ignoring me and I try to talk to him anyway - but I get hurt when i'm ignored back.

What is the right way to deal with this?

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[Coastgirl]

I don't know the answer but I am in the same exact boat. I tried today to reach out and was told that I was interrupting him from doing what he needed to move forward with his day. If I let him be in silence for days without asking how he is doing then I don't care about him. I literally cannot say anything. With that being said in my personal situation it seems to be best if I let him initiate conversation and follow his lead. I know that isn't helpful but I wanted to let you know more than anything that you are not alone. I hope the silence ends soon for you.

[Harri]

Hi.  A lot of us have dealt with the silent treatment from our loved one(s).

How to deal with it is an excellent question.  Regardless of what may be driving the behavior, I think the best response is to give them space and just go about your life.  You can say something like "Okay, I'll talk to you later then".  Beyond that, I would not say much else especially when they are upset/dysregualted.

Sometimes the silent treatment is a means of control or punishment in which case you do not want to feed into it by chasing them or repeatedly asking what is wrong.  We inadvertently end up re-enforcing their behaviors when we do this which is just going to result in more of the same behavior.

Sometimes, a person will go quiet as a way to withdraw so they can self-soothe and return to center.  In this case, giving them space is the best possible thing you can do.

When he is having a up day are you able to discuss some of his behaviors and what he needs from you and what works for you?

[Delight1]

I also struggle with this.  I have started just going about my normal day and continuing to engage him in "necessary" conversations.  Usually questions like, do you want to go here with me or what are you thinking for dinner.  I give him a few hours to cool down over whatever it is, then just start engaging.  I do not question what is wrong, I usually save that for when his silent treatment is over with and he is back to his calmer self.  I have found that pushing him to tell me what is wrong before he is "over" it is pointless and I do nothing but irritate him and make the silence last longer.  To not drive myself crazy I hop on here and look for other threads about a similar situation to help me through it.

[Stillhopeful4]

It's very hard.  My uBPDw is known for the silent treatment.  She wouldn't even acknowledge I was in the room.  It lasted exactly 3 days.  I could try and talk to her, say hi, or bye have a good day...NOTHING...stone cold nothing.  There was nothing I could get her to do to talk, so I would just leave her for her 3 days until she was ready to come around.

SH4