Daughter with BPD

[jmacdonald]

I am a new member too and am worn out. My daughter has been struggling with this disorder and we have finally diagnosed it after four years of multiple hospital stays, diagnosis and a roller coaster ride. She used to be delightful in public, but I am the one she is rude to now, as I am the one she "loves" the most. "I hate, you don't leave me" perceptions rings true!

However, she is my daughter and she is turning 18. I have to support her. You need to take care of yourself. Bless you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

 

Hi jmacdonald,

I would like to welcome you. It's frustrating, confusing and painful watching a loved one suffer. I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. You feel worn out from walking on eggshells and worrying if a look, spoken words or a slight action sets off disproportionate anger. It's hard.

I'm glad that you have found us. Many members here share similar experiences and can offer guidance and support.

When a child suffers from BPD (even our adult child), not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do? We look forward to seeing you on the Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD board and hope you join us in learning how to understand and communicate with our children better.

Video--Validation: Encouraging Peace In A BPD Family

Are you in T? Are there siblings?

Welcome to the family 

--Mutt

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Is everything OK?

[jmacdonald]

No, I am just perusing the website, taking some "lessons" and really learning about this disorder my daughter has. She is displaying classic  behaviors, and I am understanding more , and learning how to listen to her.

I understand that she is not the little girl I once knew , and that she is going through a journey I need to help her with in order for her to understand how to deal. I am grateful for this website and just looking at different posts to know that I am not alone.

[lbjnltx]

Hi jmacdonald,

Good to see you back reading and learning.

One of the first things I had to accept early on in my journey is that I had to take care of myself and my well being if I was going to be able to help my daughter.

How are you coping? Are you suffering?

How do you take care of yourself?

lbj

[Teresa Lynne]

Hi There!

As hard as this is ( I know from personal experience) I just want you to know that there is actually an opportunity for awareness and personal growth here that may give you tools and skills you may never otherwise have known.  The empathy and compassion that you obviously possess are going to be the keys as well as your willingness to educate yourself and reach out for support.  You are actually off to a great beginning.

In my experience the first tools to move in the right direction are mindfulness how effectively and validation to start with from Marsha Linehans DBT model.  

Also, learning and using stress management for yourself to build your emotional bank account so you aren't always in overdraft mode.

HeartMath is enormously helpful in managing stress and easy to use.  Go to Heartmath.org to learn more,

Lots of love to you dear lady!  She is a lucky girl to have a mom like you!

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I am grateful for this website and just looking at different posts to know that I am not alone.

We are grateful to have you here - this resource is something we have all built together - one brick at a time.  We learn, we share.