On the Other Side and Doing Well

[kl315]

Though I'm now planted firmly in the "Leaving" category, I wanted to check in here. I officially broke it off with my dBPDbf five days ago after he had inflicted another round of silent treatment on me and I caught him on a dating site. I thought that at this point I'd be struggling to keep from dialing his number or sending him an apology for something I didn't do. That I'd be sad and anxious and missing him terribly. I'M NOT.

-I'm enjoying the peace that comes with a phone that doesn't buzz with his texts.

-I haven't cried in three days.

-I have more energy and am generally in a better mood.

-I'm sleeping and eating better.

-I've gotten together with friends twice.

-I'm not wrought with worry and angst over why he hasn't called, what he said when he DID call, what I might say to set him off, what he meant by his bizarre text or email, what he's doing now or what's going to happen tomorrow.

-I'm focused on my own recovery(cancer) instead of his alone.

-I'VE STOPPED FEELING GUILTY ABOUT WHAT MY CANCER IS DOING TO HIM.

-I talked to a man at the gym who was so obviously, ridiculously, wonderfully "normal", and who asked me out for coffee even though he knows I'm wearing a wig.

I still love J. I still care for him, probably always will and I would absolutely make good on my promise to be there for him if he really needed me. But it's liberating to know that I don't have to exist in a place where he can and will hurt me on a regular basis, whether he intends to or not. I'm sure I will have some bad days with this but for now, it's all good,

For those at the tipping point, there is life on this side, if that's where you choose to go.

[mssomebodynice]

You are an amazing person!  I just wish I knew you in person.  I love reading your posts.  I feel your strength.  Thanks.  Thanks so much for sharing your journey. 

[Surnia]

So great, kl315!   and 

I am so happy with you! So brave. And the list about your new life is awesome!

Keep going like this.

[kl315]

Thank you both. We'd been friends for a long time but only started dating 7 months ago... .  I'm sure it would be far worse if we been a "couple" longer. And I don't think I'm all that brave. I just found my "happy" again. I'd lost it.

[LetItBe]

I'm so glad to hear you're doing so well, kl315. 

[gina louise]

kl315

I had been wondering how you were doing. It's good to hear you are moving forward with life and I hope and pray your healthy recovery continues without a hitch.

and yes-you are SO brave. Stick with the "happy".   


GL

[BentNotBroken]

woo-hoo! You go girl!

The silence can be deafening at times, but it does turn into long moments of peace and calm. Focus on your recovery. Battling cancer is tough enough with an emotional leech attached to your soul.

(By the way, bald women are hot! You don't have to spend hours fooling with your hair  )

Best wishes on the start of your new life!

[elemental]

I have been thinking about you, too, and wondered how it was going.

Your recovery is most important right now. 

[kl315]

How are you doing Elemental?