living with a mirror

[Depression = 72% of members]

     Before I learned some of the tactics of dealing with a BPD I use to share some of the things my wife was doing to me and how they affected me. Within hours I was accused of doing the same things to  her and with in a few days she would be suffering the same symptoms according to her. I spent five years unknowingly suffering from ptsd. When I revealed the diagnosis to her she laughed at me and said "leave it to you to come up with something so dramatic". I can only imagine how much of what I have said to her in private and in therapy I will hear again in court as her reasons for custody.

[lost not dead]

     Before I learned some of the tactics of dealing with a BPD I use to share some of the things my wife was doing to me and how they affected me. Within hours I was accused of doing the same things to  her and with in a few days she would be suffering the same symptoms according to her. I spent five years unknowingly suffering from ptsd. When I revealed the diagnosis to her she laughed at me and said "leave it to you to come up with something so dramatic". I can only imagine how much of what I have said to her in private and in therapy I will hear again in court as her reasons for custody.

[lost not dead]

In the begining the mirror effect was very flattering but later it has just become a mockery of my emotions.

[bpdspell]

Hey Lost But not Dead,

I love that name BTW. It signifies that you are indeed lost in the emotional difficulty of it all but that you are a survivor. Yes. PTSD is very common outcome connected to these toxic relationships. When we normalize and repressed a lot of the abuse it can build up into a fortress that forces our bodies to believe that we are under attack. Now that you have a diagnosis for your PSTD what has been recommend for you to begin to start taking care of you?

Your BPD will not want to take any accountability for the part that she plays in her cruelty towards you. This is her shame in operation so of course she will blow off any involvement with your trauma. But the power is now in your hands. BPD is a serious mental disorder and detachment disorder. They do not see or experience the world the same as others without the illness. If you are looking to her to fix your sadness or make amends do not wait with baited breath; her illness will pretty much render her incapable of seeing pain beyond her nose. She is too consumed and self-absorbed in her own pain to have a silver of empathy for you. This is BPD in action.

Boundaries Tools of Respect

How to take a time out

Read the above links. Are you considering detaching from your wife?

Spell

[seeking balance]

     Before I learned some of the tactics of dealing with a BPD I use to share some of the things my wife was doing to me and how they affected me. Within hours I was accused of doing the same things to  her and with in a few days she would be suffering the same symptoms according to her. I spent five years unknowingly suffering from ptsd. When I revealed the diagnosis to her she laughed at me and said "leave it to you to come up with something so dramatic". I can only imagine how much of what I have said to her in private and in therapy I will hear again in court as her reasons for custody.

A person with BPD will use the same tactics to get us close as to push us away.  The book title "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me"  really does sum up the dynamic.

I still remember sitting in MC with my ex and hearing my exact words come out of her mouth... .  at which time we had an argument over who said it and when... .   ... .  fun times.

As you are going through the divorce process - I will share with you one of the best things that I read... .  get the best therapist and lawyer you can afford... .  nothing will be easy or straightforward in this process.

Hang in there - the legal board is a fantastic resource.

Peace,

SB

[lost not dead]

Thanks for the kudos on the name. The PTSD has been getting a little better but there is still a long way to go. We are still married and have three kids ranging from a D17 to a S7 so I have to deal with her still. I have been the caregiver for the kids all their lives and she has been the primary wage earner. My L has assured me I have legal granite to stand on and my T is trying to prepare me for battle. The wife has convinced herself me and the kids hate her and that the D17 and I are having an emotional affair so I can see the accusations flying already. She has not lived in our house for years but comes to visit every few weeks. The nightmares start 2 days before she arrives and end sometimes a week after depending on the mood of the visit. Funny thing was the kids and I were making fun of the world ending on12/21/12 when the oldest said isn't that the day mom comes home for Christmas. Noone laughed.