DS sounding so stable in jail

[cfh]

As you know my ds is in jail waiting sentencing.  He's been in about 2 months.  I think a lot of him sounding so regulated is that they have him on less meds and he has to take them as prescribed.

I know his brain works very differently than mine.  But I'm frustrated.  If you feel stable and you know it's because you are compliant with your meds why would you start messing around with drugs once you are back out there?

Yes I know I sound stupid... .  he's a drug addict.  I'm just frustrated.

I got a letter from him the other day where he said he loves drugs.  He said that although he doesn't want to die he does want to die doing drugs because it feels so good.  What do you say to that?  Nothing.  He wasn't even being manipulative I know the difference.

I'm just venting, NOT looking for any answers because there are none.  But why do I have to turn myself into this mother that takes care of herself, admits I can't help my ds till he wants to help himself etc.

It just doesn't come naturally to me.  Still working on it though. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[OTH]

Google Dr. Amadour's " I'm not sick I don't need help" lecture based on his book. It is long but engaging. He gives some possible insight into this

[cfh]

OTH

Thanks for the recommendation!  I have read the book and it did help me put things in perspective.  I think I'm just having a bad night.  Maybe feeling a bit scared for my son, my marriage and my nonBPD son.

Tomorrow is another day!

[Reality]

cfh,

I am so glad for you that your son is sounding stable and also that he is benefitting from the comraderie.

It must be a relief for you to know that he is becoming healthier.

Reality

[peaceplease]

cfh,

The good news is that he sounds like he is okay for now.   I don't know what to say about the when he dies that he hopes he is doing drugs.   

When is his hearing?  Hopefully, he will be sent to a place that will be dual treatment.  Even if it is not a rehab.  If it is a prsion, one that he would benefit from the psychiatric treatment.  Soory, but I don;t know much about the mental health treatment in prison/

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  

 

peaceplease

[cfh]

OTH, Reality, peaceplease

Thanks for putting up with my mini meltdown!  I'm also frustrated because we keep missing his calls. There is no schedule we can set up and if one of the inmates gets in trouble they give everyone "lockdown" so phone calls are off limits.

He has another preliminary hearing tomorrow and we are trying to get his probation switched back to NY.  At that point if the judge doesn't sentence him to prison he would enter into a 15-18 month long residential program in NY.  The only one that we could find and that he could afford is primarily for substance abuse... .  and that is a huge problem for him so it must be addressed.  They may provide some MH services.  I don't think he'll get the kind of help he really needs but it will be something. Drugs are a big problem for him.

I thought the court might mandate him to some place but they don't.  They give you a choice of entering a program of your choice and if you make it great if you don't you go to prison.  He's never successfully completed any program but maybe the fear of prison will be a motivator.

Nothing has been decided though.  He may have to stay in CO and do some time in prison there or they may send him back to NY.  We are still waiting to find out.  I will keep you all posted.

Dh and I are taking the Family Connections Course and it couldn't have come at a better time!

[vivekananda]

I got a letter from him the other day where he said he loves drugs.  He said that although he doesn't want to die he does want to die doing drugs because it feels so good.  What do you say to that? 

Maybe if he says it to you, you could ask, how does that feel? Try to get the feelings behind that thought... .  

take care cfh, we're here. Fingers crossed and prayer beads out,

best wishes,

Vivek    

[peaceplease]

cfh,

If only they could be mandated to a therapeutic place to treat them, huh?  I was just thinking that about my dd.

I am glad that you have the Family Connections Course now.  

peaceplease

[cfh]

VIV

So much of my frustration is that he writes letters and they take over a week to get to us.  Then I write him back and he almost can't remember what he said in his last letter... .  or doesn't remember feeling that way.

He can call us but the calls are so short and we never know when he will call so we miss many of them.

That's why we're really pushing to get him back here. Even if he's in a long term program we can see him face to face and have real conversations about his feelings and emotions. I know that will help him.

[jellibeans]

I hope your son get the chance to go and get treatment... .  prison is not where he belongs... .  is there no way to inform the court of his mental problems? How frustrating and sad. The drugs must be the way he is coping in life... .  at least he is more stable right now... .  that is a plus... .  

sorry I can't be more helpful... .  I feel for you... .  keep us posted... .  I am wishing you well and hope you can keep positive through it all... .  

[OTH]

So hard not to worry about the things we can't control. What a loving mom you are. Peace.

OTH, Reality, peaceplease

Thanks for putting up with my mini meltdown!  I'm also frustrated because we keep missing his calls. There is no schedule we can set up and if one of the inmates gets in trouble they give everyone "lockdown" so phone calls are off limits.

He has another preliminary hearing tomorrow and we are trying to get his probation switched back to NY.  At that point if the judge doesn't sentence him to prison he would enter into a 15-18 month long residential program in NY.  The only one that we could find and that he could afford is primarily for substance abuse... .  and that is a huge problem for him so it must be addressed.  They may provide some MH services.  I don't think he'll get the kind of help he really needs but it will be something. Drugs are a big problem for him.

I thought the court might mandate him to some place but they don't.  They give you a choice of entering a program of your choice and if you make it great if you don't you go to prison.  He's never successfully completed any program but maybe the fear of prison will be a motivator.

Nothing has been decided though.  He may have to stay in CO and do some time in prison there or they may send him back to NY.  We are still waiting to find out.  I will keep you all posted.

Dh and I are taking the Family Connections Course and it couldn't have come at a better time!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[cfh]

jellibeans

Thank you!  Our lawyer has stacks of his history of MI and has presented it to the court. He feels confident that they will take that into consideration.

But our lawyer said that ever since they closed down all the psychiatric hospitals back in the 70's more than half the population in prisons are mentally ill.  Very sad to think there is not a better alternative.

That's why I love NAMI and was a volunteer there... .  they are fighting the good fight!

[vivekananda]

I hope you get him back in NY.

Vivek    

[griz]

cfh:

I can't even imagine who hard this is for you and your dh.  I hope they decide to send him back to NY and give him the ability to get the help he needs.

I am thinking of you.

Griz

[Reality]

cfh,

I am pulling for your son, that the decisions by authorities are good, sensible ones.  I am hoping that your son will be able to live the way he would like, as a result of this trouble.

Reality

[MammaMia]

Part of the "safety" of jail or prison is the fact BPDs need structure and schedules, they do not have to make a lot of decisions, and everyone is equal so there is less judging of each other.

Compliance with medications is also mandatory. 

These all provide comfort. 

[lovesjazz]

Yes, cfh, our ds did so well in the structure of jail. I know about jumping ahead to the worst case scenerio. He has a good situation now and I, too, am thinking ahead of him losing  this opportunity as a girl has entered into the picture which is always not good for him. He loses all sence of doing good and staying on track. My stomach is in a knot... .  I hope for nothing. Did you get him into a place yet?