I'm snapping

[barryb1]

This is going to be a somewhat unfocused rant... .  

Living with a borderline, bipolar wife for the past 7 years has turned me in to a different person. I look at myself and I think that this is not my life that I am living. I am living someone else's life. Somewhere out there, there is a grouchy, mean spirited jerk who is in a good situation and a good marriage... .  and somehow he ended up out there and I'm in here.

I can't stand watching my wife keep on driving her life into a ditch. I can't stand the dysfunction. I can't stand listening to her make these empty promises that she is going to try to make changes. At least at this point I don't believe her anymore when she says these things, so I'm not disappointed when nothing comes of it. I can't stand her complaining. I wonder how many times have I heard her complain about her feeling stupid/not being up for anything/stomach ache/headache/being tired/being nauseas/being dizzy/etc/etc/etc/etc/etc/etc/etc/etc/etc/etc/etc? We've been married 7 years, so I would say that I've probably heard her complain roughly 12 thousand times (five times per day). And no matter how bad things are, she never does a damn thing about it - which is what really drives me crazy. She just sits on her lazy butt and does nothing about any of her problems, letting her mind and body completely deteriorate, and then expects me to be supportive as she complains 12 thousand times. I would say that I was a very good soldier for the first 6-7 thousand complaints. But I can't be a good soldier anymore. Today she complained that her stomach was hurting her, and I broke out in a kind of irrational laugh. Of course she didn't like that, which I understand. But lets see her try to deal with 12 thousand complaints and see how she holds up.

In case you're wondering why I don't get divorced, there are 2 reasons. One is our daughter, who would be devastated. The other is that in the past year I started a new, very enjoyable, very rewarding job. It is by far the most normal thing that I have had in my life in years. It keeps me very distracted, too, as well as very busy. And honestly, right now I just don't have time to go running around to divorce courts. Is this a cop out? Somewhat. But not entirely.

I want things to work out but I do not define "work out" as simply to accept this BS life I've been living.

[Newton]

Hi barryb1... .  it can be very helpful to vent/rant here... .  I hope you feel better from getting that out there! 

It definitely sounds like things have stagnated to a point where you are ready to snap... .  that is entirely understandable considering the pressure you are under... .  I suffer from depression but believe me that is NOTHING compared to the negativity my ex brought to the table... .  it was constant and oppressive!

So if she isn't going to change any time soon... .  and you need change pretty urgently... .  it's kinda obvious where the change needs to happen... .  

[mobala]

hehehehehe... .  you've made me laugh with your description... .  and I totally understand you... .  oh, so very much... .  

I've been married for 2 years, together for 10 y. And I'm listening the same stuff for 10 years now. And going crazy. I could kill him at the moment he starts to talk about the same thing over and over again. I usually snap also, because I can't stand it anymore. Well, I do, otherwise I would pack up and leave for good.

But these are not the same things you have... .  I'm usually listening to what I have done wrong 10 years ago. And these are not even things that were wrong per my definition of life, but his.

I stayed strong and justified myself for few years, then I've changed "my opinion" and said "Yes, my lord, you're absolutly right, I've been bad"... .  but this words came after me... .  as I couldn't digest them... .  no way. The fog was out, so fu*** you ass... .  I was, what I was, I am what I am.

That didn't helped either... .  hehehe... .  now, I'm btch again... .  cold and I don't love him. But at this point in my life I try to be true to myself and not to him. And there will come a point in my life (I hope that still this year) that I will just say goodbye my dear... .  I'm done with this ~ and fighting and being black... .  

so, hang in there bro... .  I feel you all the way!