what do you do with their things?

[lovesjazz]

From when our ds was very young, he was given some fine gifts for different occassions... .  baptism, confirmation, holy communion. We still have the fine jewelry in our safe. If we give them to him, they will end up at the pawn shop. What do you do? They belong to him... .  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Survive2012]

How old is your son? Is he under treatment? If you hope he will emprove, you could keep his things for when he will feel better. If not, you could, with the money you can make from those object, buy something you are sure your son will like and that is not going to harm him.

Survive

[griz]

I'm sorry but I don't remember how old your son is either.  Unless you feel you have to do something with these things I would hang on to them.  Maybe one day you will be able to give them to him with a clear mind or you could save them in your safe should you need to  use money for his assistance.

Griz

[cfh]

Loves jazz

We also have some things like that including savings bonds for our ds29.  Since they do not take up much space we are holding onto them until a time comes where we do not feel he will use the money for drugs or use poor judgement with purchases.

[twojaybirds]

I believe if you dont know than do nothing.  The time will come when the answer is clear. 

I have kept my dd18 'finer' things like some jewelry  - which are just a few.  She stole her savings bonds. 

All of her knick-knacks, stuffed animals and  'crap' I boxed up and have been bringing to her dorm for her to go through.  All of a sudden she is able to get rid of the junk/bronken /smelly stuff and keep very little.   

I have one sentimental box in the garage with her report cards/school papers/kiddy art stuff for kinder - 12th grade.

I also have 4 boxes with kitchen stuff from when I downsized for when she gets a place or when I feel she is ready for it.  She does nor know about these 4 boxes. 

What I need to do is rewrite me will.  Being a single mom with just her I had written an easy one just giving everything to her. Now I think I need to do one of those with a medical designee or soemthing.  Anybody do this yet?  

[griz]

I have actually done this and it was prior BPD but we needed to do it for my parents since they did not feel that he could be outright given money should something happen to them.  We put all of their belongings, house and money in an irrevocable trust.  Should something happen to them their estate is split into two.  My half becomes mine outright and his half goes into a trust where I am the trustee.  I receive if I choose a small amount of money for being in charge of his trust and should he need or want money he has to come to me for it.  I have the power to either give it to him or not.  Should he die his trust goes into two trusts one for each of his children which I am the trustee of until they reach the age of 35.  Of course in my brothers case I would never withhold money from him if he needed it for anything.  He once had a very bad gambling problem and lost his house and he also has a very very wicked wife who I would never trust.

When we set up the trust, I did the same for myself.  Should anything happen to me and dh our estate would be split in two.  Both would go into trusts and we have a designated trustee.  He is very aware of the issues that DD has so he knows that it is fine for him to give my older daughter her half outright, (she is 24 and very responsible) if he sees fit and that DD's half remains in trust until she is 35.  He also has the power, should he feel that my older daughter needs to have any kind of responsiblity for her sister that he can issue her monies (sort of a pay) this allows him to funnel money over to her part of the trust. Although I felt terrible about doing this I had to face reality.

Griz

[lovesjazz]

Our son is 26. I guess I feel a little guilty keeping them since they are his, but I know what will happen to them and be would have no regard for their meaning.

[cfh]

We have 2 sons.  One BPD one non.  We set up a special needs trust for our BPD son and a trustee will give him money as needed and appropriate.

My other nonds will inherit his money but not in one lump sum (should we die while he is still a young man).

BPDson will never be able to responsibly manage money so the trust is the best way to go.

[heronbird]

I think if he asks for them you have to give them to him. If not then I wouldnt worry for now. You know with BPD it changes and you never know where you will be with it in the future.

I would never ever of believed that my dd could be able to cope for more than a week and she has for over 5 months now.

Last year she was practically dead even her psychologist said to me her prognosis was not good.

Actually that was bad wasnt it, he never should of said that should he.

[twojaybirds]

thanks Griz.  Just anything thing to do.  I wil probably pick two friends as trustees so the burden is not on just one. I also assume they receive some sort of stipend/percentage for this?