what to make of this?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

She was very stressed lately... got dysregulated ... started saying to me ... "you are too demanding... you smother me... I need freedom... .  I am choking" etc.

I pulled away and didnot contact her for two days. Today, I see her facebook

showing that she is in her native country(10,000 miles away) watching movie with her siblings. She didnot inform me... it was an instant decision to fly 2 days ago. What does it mean? By the way, no change in our facebook photo.

[wanttoknowmore]

She was very stressed lately... got dysregulated ... started saying to me ... "you are too demanding... you smother me... I need freedom... .  I am choking" etc.

I pulled away and didnot contact her for two days. Today, I see her facebook

showing that she is in her native country(10,000 miles away) watching movie with her siblings. She didnot inform me... it was an instant decision to fly 2 days ago. What does it mean? By the way, no change in our facebook photo.

[GreenMango]

Impulsive huh?

It seems a little tough to have a relationship when you have to check Facebook for the status.

Have you checked put the undecided lessons?  What step do you think you'd be on?

[wanttoknowmore]

Thanks GreenMango. 4 days ago,she got dysregulated after visiting a hospice. Her own mother died 4 months ago. I saw her in car dissociating and trying to call Mom(Saying "I want to call my mom" She was under a lot of job stress,children's problems, her arm pain, and on top... this hospice visit triggering lots of emotions.

For last one month,our relationship seemed to gradually deteriorating as her

job was at risk and her big retirement fund was at at risk due to this.

I am keeping NC until she contacts me,if at all. I think she will... .  as she is not the type who leave friends impulsively.

How should I handle if she contacts me?[/b] I still value this relationship... if it can be salvaged.

[GreenMango]

Maybe in the meantime while you wait you can look at the staying board lessons... .  they could help.

On a side note losing her parent and grieving may have set a lot of this off. 

And you can still post on undecided looking at those lessons on weighing out the relationship.  Which step would you like to work on?

[wanttoknowmore]

Thanks GreenMango,

I can not abandon her at this point and would like to support her in her grieving and other stressors.

She does trust me and ,gradually and carefully, I would like to introduce concepts of and dealing  I. I will be very empathic, consistent and commited to decrease her fear of abandonment. She deserve this as she is a very good soul and is highly intelligent ,caring and loving person. She does so much for all her friends and others who needs her. I know it will not be easy but

I am making the decision and will own full responsibilty of whatever comes out of it.

I am OK to switch to "staying board." now.

[GreenMango]

Good to know.  Post what's going on over there, your goals with the relationship, and ask for help.  The senior stayers will have some sound advice.