She's back again

[Senata48]

  Sorry, this is a long and complicated story.

  My son-in-law had to move out of state to try to get custody of his son who was going to be placed in foster care. My daughter deeply resents the child, so he had to go it alone. He now has residential custody and is waiting for the child to be released from state supervision.

My BPD(?) daughter,with her friend's encouragement, met a guy at a bar and ended up moving in with him. He is abusive and is a possible drug user. I wouldn't let her move this guy and her friend(with her boyfriend) into the trailer that was purchased for my daughter and son-in-law. She insisted that her husband has abandoned her and she doesn,t love him.

  My daughter left the guy last week for the third time since October. After receiving flowers from her husband for Valentine's

Day, she decided that she still had feelings for him and agreed to leave the guy.He, and his family, threaten her when she tries to leave. The second time she left, we had to get police assistance to get her away from him. (he took her car keys) Today,after continuous text messages and him threatening to come to the house, we called the police. They couldn't do any thing since he hadn't threatened bodily harm. My daughter is mad at me because I embarassed her. Personally I think she enjoys the drama, but I don't know what this guy might do. Her husband, while not the most sympathetic person, knows that she has problems and wants to try to work things out. Tomorrow is payday for her and I pray she doesn't go back to him so he can take her money again. Well so much for my soap opera. Thanks for letting me vent.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello again Senata48,

Good to see you back.  You are correct... .  it does seem complicated.  I am trying to follow the charecters if you will of this story.

Is this correct?

SIL moved out of state to get custody of a child that is currently in state custody.  This child is not your gchild... .  it is from one of his previous r/s.

SIL wants to try again w/your d.

Current boyfriend is dangerous.

Daughter wants to try again w/SIL (which would require moving to another state?)

It is payday for your d and your are afraid current boyfriend will take all her money and prevent her from moving out of state back w/her husband (your SIL).

Is this correct?

[vivekananda]

Hi Senata48,

It is exhausting dealing with children who have BPD isn't it? You must feel so tired of the dramas that are brought into your life. Of course you worry for your dd (dear daughter), and there is a child to be concerned for as well. It must be hard for you.

lbj below has asked a few questions, I am interested to understand too.

By the by many of our d's seem to enjoy the drama of attention, but I'm not always so sure. I think it may be a mixed emotion, because I know they also feel acute shame and will behave in all sorts of ways to avoid facing the irrational waves of shame they can feel. Whatever she feels, it is not helpful to be getting attention for the wrong reasons, is it? But, by gum, the police can be wonderful helpers when we need them, can't they?

Take care Senata,

looking forward to hearing more from you,

Vivek    

[Senata48]

  The child is from a previous relationship of my SIL and not my gchild.

   SIL is willing to try to work things out, if she will leave the boyfriend. D is willing to try to work things out if he will  make changes in the way he treats her. So far D is working and trying to stay away from the boyfriend. (The girl at work is trying to get her to go back to the boyfriend. SOME FRIEND!)

   I don't know if the boyfriend is really dangerous. So far it seems to be only idle threats.       

       The paycheck is my daughter's. She gets paid and the next day she's broke. I'm just tired of seeing him take her money.

     D won't be moving out of state if she and her husband can work things out. They have a place to live here that is perfect for them. Also, the child will be better off in a new place with limited contact with his mother.

      I hope this clears things up a little.

    I hope this clears things up a little.       

[lbjnltx]

How is your d doing now Senata?  Has she been able to stay away from the boyfriend?

Did SIL get custody of his son?

[Senata48]

  So far D is doing okay. Boyfriend is still texting, but she is trying to ignore him.

  SIL is still waiting for the court date to release his son from state supervision. As I understand it ,there will be a final court date in May which will set up visitation with the mother, and allow them to come home.

[vivekananda]

Hi Senata48,

I am glad you are still with us. There are lots of resources here for you to help you understand what BPD means an what we as parents can do to help our children.

You know as parents we feel loss for our children with BPD. We feel the loss of the relationship we want them to have with us, the loss of a stable life for them, and the loss of a future that looked so possible when we held them in our arms as babies.It is a special sort of sorrow we feel.

Here you are in a safe place to talk Senata48 and I want to assure you that there is hope for you and your daughter. There are many parents of children with BPD here, we discuss our concerns on a forum and learn from the resources available here.

Is there anything in particular that you would hope to gain from us?

Cheers,

Vivek