Doing this with no support

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've just been reading some posts here, and a question occured to me:

Considering how difficult it is to live with a person with BPD, is it reasonable for someone to be able to do this with no outside support?

By outside support I mean a network of close friends and/or family, or at least one or two people close by who can be relied upon for emotional support. Since I moved far away from my home town to be with my partner, I don't have any of that locally. I guess I'm just wondering how reasonable it is for me to continue like this. Is anyone managing to do it?

[Broken Dreams]

I've just been reading some posts here, and a question occured to me:

Considering how difficult it is to live with a person with BPD, is it reasonable for someone to be able to do this with no outside support?

By outside support I mean a network of close friends and/or family, or at least one or two people close by who can be relied upon for emotional support. Since I moved far away from my home town to be with my partner, I don't have any of that locally. I guess I'm just wondering how reasonable it is for me to continue like this. Is anyone managing to do it?

[blecker]

What is reasonable?

I know that trying to negotiate a heathy relationship with someone suffering from BPD has its unresonable moments.

I know that my emotional wellness suffered unreasonably over time.

It has taken time and therapy to find reason in what I experienced.

It's not unreasonable to seek counsel from a professional while you try to sort out the aspects of your relationship.

[benny2]

It is very difficult. I have no family here by me, and my kids are moved away. I have one close friend, and some some coworkers, but I think they are all sick of hearing about this. Its very hard doing this on your own, but I am to the point where I don't even want to tell anyone anymore because I am afraid they will think I'm nuts. That is why I come here. Everyone here knows what you are going through and has experienced the same. It is hard for other to relate to this. Its so bazzar.

[real lady]

Considering how difficult it is to live with a person with BPD, is it reasonable for someone to be able to do this with no outside support?By outside support I mean a network of close friends and/or family, or at least one or two people close by who can be relied upon for emotional support. Since I moved far away from my home town to be with my partner, I don't have any of that locally. I guess I'm just wondering how reasonable it is for me to continue like this. Is anyone managing to do it?

((Broken Dreams))  *Hi.*   You are telling MY story now... .   I moved 200 miles away from ALL my friends, LEFT my work (and friends there) of nearly 20 years, moved farther away from all my family and then both my mom and then my dad passed away within 15 months of each other... .  while I was living so far away from any support. I went into counseling to have someone to talk to about this pwBPD whom I live with... .  I would answer your question that it is neither easy to stay OR leave without some support. I am only planning on leaving AFTER I get a support group; job, car, etc... .  and then I will still not be telling everyone about my ex and what I went through with him.

bpdfamily has been my "friends and family"... .  you can come here, chat, vent and figure out the answer to the questions: why, how and what do I do now. I certainly feel that I have had my dreams shattered: from DREAM COME TRUE (and when they say it is TOO GOOD to be true, I will believe them the next time.) turned BPD NIGHTMARE.

Good luck to you hon... .  

[Clearmind]

Broken Dreams, support from those close was important.

And I can only say this in hindsight because I did isolate myself - having your own interests independnent of your partner is an important one. When we live with some with BPD and don't mix with others or have our own interest we become super insular and can fall apart.

These r/s can be enmeshed - we can somewhat equally 'need' the other to rely upon - your partner will inevitably need to rely on you more - strong boundaries around your time, your space, pursuing your interests is critical.

All the best to you

[Broken Dreams]

Thank you all for your replies.

It's not unreasonable to seek counsel from a professional while you try to sort out the aspects of your relationship.

I would answer your question that it is neither easy to stay OR leave without some support.

I think you're both right. I've started seeing a therapist because I realised I can't work through this alone; it's been well over a year now that I've been undecided about the future, sometimes leaning more towards staying, sometimes leaving. I need to choose a path and stick to it now, for both of our sakes.

I'm sorry to hear about your parents passing away on top of everything else, real lady. That must have been unbearable.  Good luck to you too. I hope things work out for you - and the same to everyone else.

[real lady]

I've started seeing a therapist because I realised I can't work through this alone; it's been well over a year now that I've been undecided about the future, sometimes leaning more towards staying, sometimes leaving. I need to choose a path and stick to it now, for both of our sakes.

((BD)) just read the articles, lessons and facts about BPD on this site... .  we have to come to a place to leave WHEN we are ready... .  there is MORE than how they are behaving to consider... .  what about what WE need... .  after living with BPD and living without so much for myself for two years, I realize that I MUST take care of myself and getting back into music, society and getting a job is just what I would naturally do... .  they may try to block us to keep us dependent upon them but we need to reach DEEP down inside ourselves and ask some hard questions... .  the hard one for me is "is THIS where I want to be and what I want to be doing in 5 years?"... .  I say a resounding "H... .  NO."... .  I will not suffer it for even one more year now... .  I have started to leave... .  once you start, plan it, work on it, it gets easier. 

I'm sorry to hear about your parents passing away on top of everything else, real lady. That must have been unbearable.  Good luck to you too. I hope things work out for you - and the same to everyone else.

Thank you so much; it has been VERY hard... .  lost my parents AND had my "dream come true" turn into a BPD nightmare... .  I can wallow in self-pity and feel betrayed but I am saving my energy to FOCUS on what my son and I need and working toward that goal... .  you too hon. 

[Broken Dreams]

 

"is THIS where I want to be and what I want to be doing in 5 years?"... .  I say a resounding "H... .  NO!"... .  

H*** no for me too! Something's got to change. Thanks for making me ask myself this important question!

Hi slave to the binary, sounds like a pretty awful and lonely situation you're in.  Is there nothing you can do to force your ex boyfriend to leave? I don't see how either of you can move on while he's still there (and perhaps that's why he's refusing to go).

It's not the same as support from family or friends close by, but I've found the people on this website very supportive over the time that I've been posting here.