Excuses...

[standfree]

I'm in the process of deciding whether is should stick around or leave my BPD partner...

There has been very little contact in the last month & the contact that has been made has been argumentative.

Anyway, i have done nothing but go though every-thing that has happened in our 2 year relationship in my mind. One thing that has popped up in my head today, that i have never really thought about before, was the amount of excuses i had to use so i could have a social life with my friends. My most popular excuse that i used, was that I'm working late or i'm working this weekend (surely she could not stop me working right?). Only so i could get a game of golf with my friends or other such socializing activities with my friends. Which i might add that she stopped or caused major conflict when i would even suggest that my friends were wanting a game with me. Of course she had a opinion on all my friends, negative options...

Is it not just pathetic that you have make excuses, so you can have a life away from your partner? Well it seems to me if you have a BPD partner you have to.

It's so messed up it's not even funny, although you might laugh at this one or so my friends did. Why on earth did i need to dress up in my work clothes, leave her place, pretend i'm going to work. Only instead going to meet up with my friends so i could get my golf game in, dressed up as if i'm away to work on a construction site. utter madness...

Sorry this is not a question as such, it is common that BPD partners try to alienate every part of your life...

[Broken Dreams]

You should never have to make excuses to see your friends.  I'm sure you're aware of that, though. It's amazing what you can end up putting up with over time, isn't it? Especially when the unreasonable behaviour has built up gradually over the course of a few years.

It's not quite the same thing as what you're talking about, but I think it's probably related. My boyfriend (with BPD) doesn't stop me socialising as such - although I don't have friends or family in this area, so it's rare that I see anyone anyway. He does get quite jealous/paranoid about the few acquaintances I do have, though. But the issue I have, which I think might have some similarities to yours, is that he doesn't seem to understand my need for personal space, and won't give me any time to myself. I wondered if this might be a different manifestation of the same basic behaviour that you talk about.

All the best regarding deciding what to do. I'm in the same situation decision wise, though we're living together - it isn't easy.

[standfree]

Thanks for your response. I wish you all the best

[Broken Dreams]

Thanks.