my daughter came back from her fathers with both palms burned. she is 19 months. I messaged him and asked what happened, he rages at me saying
I could ask you the same thing ! She came from YOUR house like that and my parents photographed it so you better shut up!
What do I do !
Something like this happened a few months ago, where father accused right back at you. The advice then, which still applies, was to make a simple request for information, as appropriate and just one time, then proceed with appropriate medical attention and/or documentation. Best to do it at the
start of your parenting time - as in "this is how I just received my child" - not at the end, of course.
From a Nov'12 thread "Still being punished"
Well today was my day with child and as soon as I got her I noticed she had a really nasty cough so I emailed and asked if she had already been to the doctor, he said No , I said I would take her today.
He then replied saying "I give her medical attention. I will take her. Wait til tomorrow."
That is absurd! So I had to reply like 3 different times saying "I am her mother, and I am taking her today."
He then called my Dad and threatened to call the police? ?
Then threatens to file a report on harassment (they're the ones harassing me!) and to get a restraining order... .
Next time, just take her to the doctor and then send him a follow-up email about the doctor's instructions. There's nothing in your order that says he's in charge of medical care, right? And the court is going to punish you for seeking medical care for your child?
So it should go like this:
You: D has a bad cough, has she been to the doctor?
Him: No, I haven't taken her.
You: (3 hours later). Dr. X prescribed antibiotics for her cough. I will send them with her when she returns.
Him: THREAT! THREAT! PROJECTION! RAGE! ANOTHER THREAT!
You: *crickets*
The point is that you need to expect - and not get intimidated or sidetracked - that any questions asking him to divulge possibly incriminating information will only result in him responding with a flaming blamefest and threats to make counter-allegations.
The most you should do is ask whether child saw the doctor and probably too ask what happened. Nothing more, odds are you will not get a positive response, then do what you need to do as a parent. Of course, you are naturally concerned he will try to make you look bad and allege
it's all your fault! But that should not block you from doing your parenting.
On a different subject, have you made any progress on getting your driver's license? That's still a vital step toward becoming independent.
