Rough week here

[bjewels11]

Its been a while since I have posted but between my daughter and work issues I need to vent.   My daughter "graduated" from job corps.   Actually she did not finsh all the way.   She had to quit to move in with boyfriend.   She has not been able to keep a job.  She had a baby last August.  She has done better than expected but I have been worried about the baby.   I continue to do only wrong in her eyes.  I try to only offer praise and offer help when needed.   This week her husband called and stated that She had been beating on him all day.   According to him she has done this before. He told us at Christmas that she has hit him.  I can relate becasuse she has hit me before.  He threanted to take the baby and get a restrainning order against her.     She then threatned suicide her usual way out.   My sister talk her in ti checking herself into the hospital for stress.   I am just worried about this child as so many of us grandparents are.  I have told her husband if he leaves her please please take the baby.  He has always said she will kill her self.   I feel bad but I have stated she will harm the baby.  I know that she loves the baby in her own way.  I also releize that from facebook post that she is not able to be a healthy mom to her child.  My husband tells me to stay out of it but my heart aches for her and the child.  My heart aches for all of us.   Reading the post from others I reliezise that I am not alone and share many of the same feeling as everyone else.   

I wish I could help my daughter but she continues to dislike me most days and blames me for all of her problems.   Like others no matter what I say it will be the wrong thing. 

Thanks for the vent and God Bless

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[HarmKrakow]

Thank you for venting it seems you needed it and im sure it felt good. Its very good of you that you prioritize for the baby as that little one should deserve all the attention he needs

[BioAdoptMom3]

It sounds so much to me like you have your priorities in order!  Of course you are concerned for the baby, your grandchild, as you indeed should be!  I know you must be in incredible emotional pain over all of this.  I do not have advice, but I can offer some cyber ((HUGS)) and my prayers for you and your precious family!  

[pessim-optimist]

Hi bjewels11,

Thanks for sharing your difficult situation. Having to "choose" between your child and a grandchild is excruciating... .     

It is a good thing that you are sharing. It helps clear things up for ourselves sometimes.

We often feel this obligation to not "rock the boat" and not "upset our loved ones with BPD", we feel guilty, and that is when we may ignore the warning signs and fail to protect the children involved. So, feel free to share as you are trying to make up your mind about what would be the best solution... .  Look at it as brainstorming. You can get some ideas here, but in the end, only you can decide, what would be the wisest solution in your case. You can consider all the possible options, feel all the accompanying feelings, and then come to a conclusion that you are comfortable with.

Does your daughter's husband know about BPD? Does he have a "safety plan" in place for when things get violent?

A good plan is to act appropriately (for instance call 911, get the restraining order, etc.) rather than to threaten. Threats often escalate the situation further and it can be really dangerous to little ones... .  

My guess would be that if you feel your daughter might hurt the child when she is distressed, it might be a real possibility. Especially if she has been violent with you and her husband... .  Just an observer's thought.

PessiO