Do BPDs sabotage relationships as a way of controlling them?

[honeybadger]

Was just wondering if my uBPDso who just broke up with me did this in a panic so that I would not leave him first?

I just got a new, pretty sweet high-profile job -- and I had previously been self-employed/working from home so he always knew where I was. I had mentioned that there was a program where you could relocate to another state or even country in 18 months. He said "Well, then you can move to France." (Not we). I mentioned he could come and he said "I don't speak, French, baby."

Then the week before, he had mentioned in passing that it would only be matter of time until I got sick of him. When I brought it up again a few days ago--the night he broke up with me in fact--he said "It's just human nature."

Do they do this when they feel scared? I am, BTW. spending far too much time analyzing this and not enough reminding myself that there are plenty of reasons why this break up would be a good thing if it stuck.

[TigerEye]

Hey honeybadger

Here's a good thread to read to help answer your question https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79300.

Understanding what's going on in the relationship is good way to make the right choices for you, so don't worry about the analyzing, just use it to learn, it will help you make those tough decisions about where you want to be.

Hope this helps

[honeybadger]

Thank you for pointing me there, TigerEye.

This really resonated with me... .  I think that is exactly what happened--the engulfment fear kicked in and he had to break up with me to abate it:

Often those with BPD will generate emotional chaos and conflict to create space, distance "other" in search of some temporary relief to engulfment fears which then quickly leaves the borderline feeling as if they have been or about to be abandoned. It's a classic no-win situation for the borderline and then of course by extension for the non borderline.

[TigerEye]

It's a cruel twist, but if you can understand it for what it is, it can help you come to a decision about how you want to move forward, in whatever direction you choose.

All the best to you.