Serious Matter - please advise

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I had my N/BPDw served divorce papers and an order of protection (due to her years of uncontrollable raging) early last month. She's lived and worked in her home country of Japan for going on 5 years. She's in Japan now and has been there over a month since I initiated the divorce. The kids and I live here.

Until this past week she's been in frequent contact by email and Skype with our D17 and S16 and with me related to our mutual business activities. This past week contact went to almost zero from her. I emailed a her a number of times related to business matters I need her feedback on. No response. The kids haven't heard from her either.

I received an email from her. The subject line is "Please help me." In the email she goes on to say how is think about the kids and me all the time and it is extremely painful and she doesn't know how to live by herself anymore.

This email was very short unlike past manifesto length emails. I'm concerned she main try to kill herself. She lives alone and doesn't return to work until the end of the month.

Questions:

1. What steps should I take to help if any? I did email her sister expressing my concern.

2. I really want to cut the BS and tell her to get an authentic mental health diagnosis and look into Dialectical behavior therapy etc. The experts say don't do it. At this point what have I got to lose? The marriage is over.

3. I want to avoid intermittent reinforcement by "helping" her again this time. When suicide is possible what's the best course of action?

[Jai Yen]

I had my N/BPDw served divorce papers and an order of protection (due to her years of uncontrollable raging) early last month. She's lived and worked in her home country of Japan for going on 5 years. She's in Japan now and has been there over a month since I initiated the divorce. The kids and I live here.

Until this past week she's been in frequent contact by email and Skype with our D17 and S16 and with me related to our mutual business activities. This past week contact went to almost zero from her. I emailed a her a number of times related to business matters I need her feedback on. No response. The kids haven't heard from her either.

I received an email from her. The subject line is "Please help me." In the email she goes on to say how is think about the kids and me all the time and it is extremely painful and she doesn't know how to live by herself anymore.

This email was very short unlike past manifesto length emails. I'm concerned she main try to kill herself. She lives alone and doesn't return to work until the end of the month.

Questions:

1. What steps should I take to help if any? I did email her sister expressing my concern.

2. I really want to cut the BS and tell her to get an authentic mental health diagnosis and look into Dialectical behavior therapy etc. The experts say don't do it. At this point what have I got to lose? The marriage is over.

3. I want to avoid intermittent reinforcement by "helping" her again this time. When suicide is possible what's the best course of action?

[ForeverDad]

1. You already did the proper thing, you informed someone who may be able to handle the problem.

2. In most cases information risks being rejected and reflected back onto you with claims you're the one with the problems.

3. Inform the emergency responders or if not practical then inform someone who can possibly help.  You've done that.  You can't live her life for her.  What is, is.  However, in the past she has done things to keep you rushing in, over and over.  You've stepped back, but she may never stop trying to get you involved again.  Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?

[Jai Yen]

FD - sucks big time.

You're right about not telling her she's mentally ill. I'm still in the divorce process so that could really bit me on the ___ if I'm not careful.

Her cry for help really or otherwise feels like a tactic for her to get things back to the way they were... .  Me being the whipping boy for all her angst and unhappiness... .  

She just emailed a long message to our kids. Sounds a bit more positive and supportive from her toward them. It's hard to gage her mental state. I'm tired of that job and I'm no longer willing to be her emotional support person.

[Forestaken]

Her mental illness could come back to bite you in terms of support. I read here not to mention their mental illness as that could demostrate their inability to work (increasing what you have to pay).

[Jai Yen]

Exactly. My L warned me to leave crazy out of it.

A pwBPD has to learn to self sooth. It's hard for her to use our kids as emotional support or to project her angst on to them. They're here she's there. She likely find some unsuspecting person on that end to take over the role I've held for way too long.