Loses so many friends

[XL]

Item to note:

My mom pushes friends away frequently. She either has a huge blow-up, "dumps them", or pushes away invitations.

She was going through some stuff given by a friend who had died, and seemed mournful. I don't know what to say, since she spent a good 6 years bad mouthing this woman, threatening to sue her, gloating over their ruined friendship, ignoring her attempts at reconciliation, and barely acknowledging the woman's death-bed apology. The woman wasn't entirely stable either, but they could have cordially parted ways without all the BS.

Mom seemed really out of it and confused by this process. I was trying to be supportive in our short conversation, but she wasn't processing my words and asked me to repeat obvious things. It was frustrating and concerning.

I always note that my parents didn't have friends. They chose to reject all adult support networks. There weren't any neighbor friends, work friends, or anyone that ever came around. We saw our big dysfunctional families at holidays, but they never just called the neighbors for a BBQ or anything.

I'm uncomfortable with the disordered willingness to drive 'outsiders' away (with the demand/assumption that family will be there instead).

[GeekyGirl]

It's probably yet another symptom of your mother's intense fear of abandonment-- sort of like, "I'm going to reject you first before you reject me." A world without friends must be an awfully lonely place.

I'm curious: what brought this to mind and what do you think is making you uncomfortable about it?

[XL]

Well I was chatting with her yesterday and it was odd she still seemed so upset about the loss of this "enemy" (who died a few years ago, I don't know what got her on this topic recently). Outward appearances would suggest she hated this woman.

A few weeks ago she dumped another work friend, and she just scornfully rejected the offer of an old friend to go to a party.

I was contemplating what a burden this was on the kids. Our parents didn't create any outside support networks, activities, or sources of entertainment for themselves. It was suffocating.