Finally some good news

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

As you know, we have been going on over this ballet battle for some months now. The judge ordered us to mediation on the issue. That was supposed to happen tomorrow. This evening, at 5:00PM (end of the work day) BPDex attorney sent a letter saying mom FINALLY agreed to let her perform.  Of course, it comes with the provision that she does not get to do class pictures and she can't be in ballet anymore after this performance, but at least she gets to perform.  I will take our victories where we can get them, even if they come with a few lumps.

[hell0kitty]

As you know, we have been going on over this ballet battle for some months now. The judge ordered us to mediation on the issue. That was supposed to happen tomorrow. This evening, at 5:00PM (end of the work day) BPDex attorney sent a letter saying mom FINALLY agreed to let her perform.  Of course, it comes with the provision that she does not get to do class pictures and she can't be in ballet anymore after this performance, but at least she gets to perform.  I will take our victories where we can get them, even if they come with a few lumps.

[momtara]

"it comes with the provision that she does not get to do class pictures and she can't be in ballet anymore after this performance"

Why would a mediator allow something crazy like that?  Or a lawyer?  Why forbid a girl from dancing if she likes it?  That's not a compromise, that's just stupid.  What kind of world are we living  in?  She can't have her picture taken?  Are there any explanations for this that are logical?

[hell0kitty]

BPDmom's lawyer said it is because those things fall outside of dad parenting time, (Picture day is on a day that we don't have her) and that the school is not within walking distance of mom's home (she doesn't drive, it is 4 miles away) so she said this ONE time she can perform, but after that, if she wants to do ballet, mom gets to choose a school closer to her home. 

What is stupid is, that it is only the performance that is not on her day, all of the classes are on our days, so it would stink for us to have to drive to her side of town on our days just so mom knows class is within walking distance of her home. 

[GaGrl]

You're trying to apply logic where none exists.

[hell0kitty]

I agree. That is why I called this a win.  At least she gets to perform.  I actually told my BF when we were waiting for the outcome that I figured she would nix picture day because she has to say no to something to feel in control.  I wasn't even surprised about her insisting we change the school/program.

I was a bit surprised when her attorney said mom will not be attending the performance.  She has been a nasty woman, and does a lot o mean stuff, but she has almost always shown up for her kid's performances.  (Albeit 30 minutes late, but she shows) It is like she is not only punishing dad with all her new rules, but she is trying to punish child by not showing up. 

[marbleloser]

I've learned that children are just objects to some.A source from which they can manipulate,control,punish,and use.

[DreamGirl]

Oh yay. 

You also get to save the mediation costs. That's a win too.

I had a feeling she'd agree, especially after the Judge let her know how silly this all was. I hope this helps keep these kinds of arguments to a minimum.

[momtara]

It is a win, but just so aggravating that you have to agree to craziness!  I'm sorry about that part.  But having a kid is a blessing, and we have to savor the small victories.

[mamachelle]

Glad she gets to perform. 

Its pretty harsh though about the ballet-- could she do other extracuricculars or is it just the dreaded BALLET?

oy! Tell that PTA mom support group she has about this... .   and they'd really think she was MOTY, eh?

[hell0kitty]

We can have her do any extracurricular we want as long as they only fall on our days.  BPDex has been pushing really hard for her to join sports teams.  She doesn't care if the games fall on our days.  She did a play earlier this year and every rehearsal and performance was on our day.  She doesn't mind if the activities she chooses fall on our days, and doesn't even ask us, because she chose them.  When it is the other way around is when it is a problem, even if we are only talking about 4 afternoons a year.  (Afternoon she would otherwise be at day care I might add) 

For her it is about making sure dad doesn't get one extra minute if time with the child. It is about power and control.  The other hilarious thing is that we pay her $600 per month in child support, but when mom wants to sign child up for anything, she tells us to pay for it too!  HAHAHAHA!   

She would rather go to court and have her ":)ay in court" than allow her daughter to perform in a ballet that she doesn't have control over.  She doesn't like it if dad signed her up and takes her because then she doesn't feel like she has control.  She doesn't like the school because they know dad really well and she has not had her chance to tell all of the teachers about their made up "history of DV".  She is fearful people who met us first and know we are not the evil villains she likes to try to make us out to be. 

[momtara]

I guess you just have to try to be the bigger person and feel sorry for her for feeling that she loses control in this situation.  But man, that's frustrating.