Not allowed to use the telephone

[Kwamina]

Looking back at my childhood there are many things that really disturb me. One of those things is the fact that I wasn't allowed to use the telephone. This was crazy, every time I was on the telephone my uBPD mother would interrupt the conversation in some way. She would either pick up the other telephone and start talking through my conversation or would come into my room and start talking to me while I was still on the phone. Another thing she did was yelling questions at me while she knew I was on the telephone and checking all the numbers that were called or had called us. After a while I started deleting the phone memory after I had talked to someone. I also remember getting the silent treatment after I had talked to someone on the phone. She was punishing me for being a bad kid cause we all know that it's a terrible crime wanting to connect with other people.

My mother always wanted all attention for herself and really couldn't stand me getting attention from other people. She was extremely jealous and always trying to destroy my contacts with people, she made it nearly impossible for me to develop friendships and relationships.  She also accused me of loving my friends more than I loved her when I wanted to go somewhere, even though I seldom went anywhere at all. I also remember her pretending to be sick all of a sudden because she didn't want me leaving the house to be with friends. One moment she was just fine but as soon as I wanted to go somewhere she was sick and went upstairs to lie in bed. That is she went upstairs after first raging and accusing me of being a terrible kid and not loving her blablabla. She also loved saying how friends of mine wanted to poison me and that this is the reason I shouldn't have contact with them. A normal mother would never want to make her own child think about being killed but she had no problem with it. A BPD mother really isn't a mother at all.

Growing up like this is crazy making indeed! I still often look at myself in amazement realizing that yeah it was rough, but somehow I managed to not loose my mind... .  well not completely at least

[Beachbumforlife]

Hugs Kwamina!   .  My mother has BPD as well, so I understand what you are saying.  And sometimes I think about how I managed to retain my sanity.  I thank my lucky stars I'm not BPD.  My sister didn't end up as lucky.

[Kwamina]

Hi Beachbum! Thanks for your reply. Sorry you had to go through similar things but I'm glad you've managed to retain your sanity My oldest sister wasn't that lucky either, she's definitely BPD just like my mom. And then there's my brother, Mr. Rage & Silent Treatment, been NC with him for more than 3 years now and it feels good!

[Beachbumforlife]

Oh kwamina, how heartbreaking!   .  Do you have any support within your family?  These things are so hard to go through in general, and even more so with no or little support.   :'(

[Kwamina]

I have another sister, she's the only 'normal' person in my immediate family. If it wasn't for the interactions I had with her and my parrots, I might have ended up just as crazy as the rest

[Beachbumforlife]

Kwamina, I'm so glad you have a sibling for support.  I also have one I'm very close to.  And while it's frustrating not to be able to help cure the BPD, it's nice to have supportive family to talk to.