Keeping Custody

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi All, haven't posted in a while, been trying to keep things together, doing a pretty good job of it. 

I have had custody of D4 for the past 2 years. D's mom has supervised visits 1-2 times a week, interactions have been basically unremarkable, D is doing very well in my care, I want to be sure nothing happens to change this.

What else should I be doing to help document that D is doing great in my care? 

It is impossible to say whether or not D's mom will ever seek changes to our custody agreement; she could find herself hitting a new rock bottom, or she could eke along and eventually ask for more time, unsupervised visits, overnights, etc... .  

When the courts left me with full custody, it was the obvious outcome. But I can't stand the idea that 4, 5, 6 years from now D's mom could file for shared custody and get it simply because she is a mother, and regardless of her actual stability as a parent. Don't mistake me, I pray that she does get her act together, if I could be convinced that she is legitimately stable, then it wouldn't be an issue, but I am not relying on this or expecting it.

So now my goal is to keep D4 in her current stable healthy home with me, and continue to support her to have a healthy relationship with her mother and her mother's family. I know that in the event of any future court issues, that it is very important to have documents to support my strength as a good parent. I feel guilty that I have not kept a regular journal or log over the past few years, although I make periodic journal entries to atleast help me keep organize certain very busy time periods. I have taken to recording the times when I drop off / pick up D from her mother, the recording are time stamped and I jot down key words from anything said, just as a potential reminder. 

Please, any advice about what you all document, and even how you approach the task of documenting and organizing the info would be really helpful. It breaks my heart to read all the posts here about good parents who don't have custody, my case is one of the simplest around, and it still took a year to settle! If I ever need to go back to court, I want to help make the judges decision as easy as possible, in my daughter's favor to stay with me.

[hurry.up.and.wait]

Hi All, haven't posted in a while, been trying to keep things together, doing a pretty good job of it. 

I have had custody of D4 for the past 2 years. D's mom has supervised visits 1-2 times a week, interactions have been basically unremarkable, D is doing very well in my care, I want to be sure nothing happens to change this.

What else should I be doing to help document that D is doing great in my care? 

It is impossible to say whether or not D's mom will ever seek changes to our custody agreement; she could find herself hitting a new rock bottom, or she could eke along and eventually ask for more time, unsupervised visits, overnights, etc... .  

When the courts left me with full custody, it was the obvious outcome. But I can't stand the idea that 4, 5, 6 years from now D's mom could file for shared custody and get it simply because she is a mother, and regardless of her actual stability as a parent. Don't mistake me, I pray that she does get her act together, if I could be convinced that she is legitimately stable, then it wouldn't be an issue, but I am not relying on this or expecting it.

So now my goal is to keep D4 in her current stable healthy home with me, and continue to support her to have a healthy relationship with her mother and her mother's family. I know that in the event of any future court issues, that it is very important to have documents to support my strength as a good parent. I feel guilty that I have not kept a regular journal or log over the past few years, although I make periodic journal entries to atleast help me keep organize certain very busy time periods. I have taken to recording the times when I drop off / pick up D from her mother, the recording are time stamped and I jot down key words from anything said, just as a potential reminder. 

Please, any advice about what you all document, and even how you approach the task of documenting and organizing the info would be really helpful. It breaks my heart to read all the posts here about good parents who don't have custody, my case is one of the simplest around, and it still took a year to settle! If I ever need to go back to court, I want to help make the judges decision as easy as possible, in my daughter's favor to stay with me.

[marbleloser]

"I feel guilty that I have not kept a regular journal or log over the past few years,"

Start doing this today.Think of it as a parenting journal.Something you're writing to give your daughter when she's grown.Something she could reflect back on.

It doesn't have to be alot of writing.You shouldn't spend more than 10 minutes per day doing it.

Write the date and time.What you did.What your daughter did.What you did together.Dr appts.Things like that.

Example:

04-29-2013

8AM D and I are dressed and leaving for work and preschool.She had pancakes for breakfast.

4PM I picked D up from preschool.Her teacher mentioned how well she is doing in art.We're going out for ice cream to celebrate.

5PM I'm cooking dinner for D and I.SHe's taking a nap.

8PM We've eaten dinner and I'm tucking D in for the night.We read a book earlier and watched Barney.

It's pretty simple.Just something to do every day and you'll get used to it.If the X claims you're not doing things with the kid,you'll have your journal.Also,keep receipts and makes copies of them.Groceries,movies,Dr visits,etc.,,

If you get taken back to court,you want a paper trail to document what you've been doing.

[momtara]

You could ask a lawyer.  Also, keep all reports from school and such, and make notes when you visit her classroom, etc.  I agree with the advice to keep a journal.

[momtara]

You can also keep notes on a calendar, in addition to the journal.

[sfbayjed]

I had a hard time keeping a journal as well,  I downloaded this free program, its called AllMyNotes Organizer.   It is great for keeping a journal and organizing all my other notes to myself.

[catnap]

It is also important to document anytime your ex passes on a visit, or shortens a visit by an appreciable amount of time.

[hithere]

I think Judges in general do not like to change the status quo when a child is doing well, so your best friend here is time... .  2 years is a lot of time and anything further will help cement this for you.  If your ex proves she has worked hard in changing herself for the better she might get more access but I can't see it changing substantially unless something drastically bad happens from your side.  Like people above say, document things and keep reports.  I am not sure you need to document every hour of every day but a weekly journal where you touch on important activities and milestones, maybe a scrap-book you do with your daughter, it would make a nice memory one day for her.

[marbleloser]

"I am not sure you need to document every hour of every day "

You're accused of having the kiddo at a bar.You're accused of leaving her in the car from 2:30PM until 5:30PM on October 29th,2012.Your ex has 3 witnesses(her friends she met at the bar) willing to testify against you on this.

Let's say you didn't write times down in your journal and you only wrote in it once per week.How do you combat this accusation?

If you have times written down with dates,you go back through your journal.You notice what you were doing at the time that she accuses you.If your journal is honest throughout and you can verify most of what's in there,you're ok.Even better if looking through your journal you notice that at that time,you and kiddo were at Chucky Cheese. You saved the receipt,which has the time and date on it also.You let her take you to court and then present this to the judge.

Which scenario is safer?