Unfriend ex on facebook?

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I am undecided about whether I should unfriend my ex- BPD Partner. I have just recently moved back to the city she lives in and for weeks before I arrived she tried to re-establish a connection. ( I had been NC for a month) I gave in and started texting but was very reserved. She persisted and I actually started thinking we might be able to reconcile. But I didn't tell her that, and said I wouldn't talk to her on the phone, but would talk to her when I arrived here for my internship (in Seattle). She was very consistent in leaving voice mails and sending messages about how much she was looking forward to seeing me. She sent me a picture of herself crying, because she was so "happy" to be connected again. I gently refused to speak on the phone because I was trying to set a boundary, and I mostly only responded but not initiate texts.  She stopped suddenly and ignored me for the past weekend before I arrived. Then today (first day of my internship) she sent me a message about how she shouldn't have "hinted" about wanting to be more than friends. It felt like another slap in the face. I resisted and then once she felt I was considering a relationship again, she pulled the rug out from under me.

Many of my friends/acquaintances say it is immature to defriend exes on facebook. I really think I should defined her and her family and friends. It is just too painful to even see her face, or their faces. I  am so disappointed in myself for letting my guard down. I was heartbroken but going OK. Now, I feel like a fool. What's your advice?

[blackbirdjournal]

I am undecided about whether I should unfriend my ex- BPD Partner. I have just recently moved back to the city she lives in and for weeks before I arrived she tried to re-establish a connection. ( I had been NC for a month) I gave in and started texting but was very reserved. She persisted and I actually started thinking we might be able to reconcile. But I didn't tell her that, and said I wouldn't talk to her on the phone, but would talk to her when I arrived here for my internship (in Seattle). She was very consistent in leaving voice mails and sending messages about how much she was looking forward to seeing me. She sent me a picture of herself crying, because she was so "happy" to be connected again. I gently refused to speak on the phone because I was trying to set a boundary, and I mostly only responded but not initiate texts.  She stopped suddenly and ignored me for the past weekend before I arrived. Then today (first day of my internship) she sent me a message about how she shouldn't have "hinted" about wanting to be more than friends. It felt like another slap in the face. I resisted and then once she felt I was considering a relationship again, she pulled the rug out from under me.

Many of my friends/acquaintances say it is immature to defriend exes on facebook. I really think I should defined her and her family and friends. It is just too painful to even see her face, or their faces. I  am so disappointed in myself for letting my guard down. I was heartbroken but going OK. Now, I feel like a fool. What's your advice?

[bewildered2]

she is abusive towards you.

is that what you want from a "friend"?

there are lots of nice people in the world. why pollute your world with a toxic person like her?

b2

[ZigofZag]

Unfriend, break all contact. Go through the pain, break out and be free, you will still be in the circles of confusion whilst you have contact.

Well, that's my view, it took some pretty nasty stuff to happen to get me here though.

Good luck

[detachwlove]

Facebook only makes breaking up w a pwBPD more difficult.  I think social networking sites are like heaven for pwBPD.  They can cyber stalk people all day long.  Friend & unfriend people who tick them off.  A few weeks ago I re-friended my BPDex on Facebook because that's the only way she would communicate with me.  

Anyway, immediately she started FBook IM'ing constantly.   I get the messages on my phone so I told her to only contact me by email and I unfriended her again on Facebook.  She got pissed, sent me an email saying she never wanted to talk to me again and "have a nice life."  For her, Facebook is like a lifeline.  Since she's incapable of communicating honestly face to face with anyone.    

To answer your question, I highly recommend not only unfriending your BPDex on Facebook but also blocking them from seeing your posts.  I've done this to my BPDex because she's admitted to following my posts.   Unfortunately even with the blocking they can find ways around it.  If you have mutual friends they can access your page through them.  

Lastly, you can always deactivate your Facebook account.  

Cyberstalking is a whole other form of harassment pwBPD use now.   It's gone from unwanted phone calls & unannounced visits to constant texts, emails, Facebook posts, etc... .

You just have to protect yourself.  I personally see them viewing your Facebook page after a breakup as an invasion of privacy.  But pwBPD are terrible with boundaries anyway.  

[KE151]

The answer depends on what you want. If you want and need NC, unfriend AND block her. If you're not yet ready to let go of her, stay in contact but beware of your own feelings and behavior, so you don't turn out to be the stalker/clinger via FB.

[goldylamont]

blackbirdjournal, i'm sure your friends mean well by saying that you shouldn't un-friend this person on fb--but they probably have no idea what BPD is and how cruel these people can be. i'm friends with all of my exes, not the one with BPD though. i think you have to look at the inevitable--really, your ex can't wait for the chance to block and unfriend you. thing is she may not be in a position yet b/c she doesn't have her next victim lined up yet. but as soon as she does she won't think twice about blocking and unfriending you once she doesn't need you anymore. it may feel better to take the matter in your own hands and just unfriend her now. my spidey sense says if not, she'll reel you in like she is doing and once you give her the respect and love she craves, she'll use this boost to her ego to sustain herself till she can find the next victim, then turn on you and block you out of her life. it's all power moves, it's really sad. i unfriended my ex on fb b/c personally i didn't want to be checking in on her and i knew this would help. also, from the past i know she uses fb as a weapon to show off how great she's doing (even though she's really not) and i didn't want to give her this ammunition. i was angry but very clear minded when i did it and i'm glad i did this b/c i took matters into my own hands.