Update to our breakup. Worse than I thought

[jalbright]

First of I wanted to say thanks so much to everyone here! I mean it. I've only been member for about a week and learned so much. I've posted a handful of topics and hopefully haven't worn out my welcome already.

Anyway I've told my Gf wBPD that its time to separate. I knew it would be a battle but I can't handle it as I'm tryin to be corgil and supportive. Its either i run away or tell her well stay together. She is a wreck total melt down! She's "supposed" to moved out to her sisters tonight. She gone back and fourth between rage and begging me to stay in the relationship. This morning she says she wanted to die and wanted to hurt herself. I really don't think she would but I won't let her just keep Saying those things. I feel I'm to the point now that I will just have to run out of the house until she's gone.

She feels like I'm just being a coward and giving up. Of course she doesn't understand my fear of a life long BPD relationship! She is guilting me beyond belief. She's in an emotional meltdown and I'm showing little emotion in comparison to. I do kind of feel like I have gave up but I just want my life back. Doing that though puts her under Rock bottom and i don't know if I can this is horrible

[jalbright]

So for the last two hrs or so she a finally been very rational we just say down and ate some lunch and I started helping her load her stuff in the car. As much as it sucked with her switching back and fourth between agony and irrational anger it was almost soothing bc it reassured my desire to end this. Now with her being so calm and understanding if that is the right word to use its giving me second thought. It's got me remembering the good times. II'm trying to stay focused on the reasons where in this position to begin with

[Newton]

jalbright... . as you alluded to, you are still in the FOG.

It sounds like no matter whether you end up together or apart long term... . right now, you need space.

Perhaps just take each hour at a time and make sure you get the space you need... . right now.


There is no way you can wear out the people here... . we understand this... . and we are a family, of sorts.  Please post as often as you need to... . even if it's an hourly update   

[jalbright]

Well she's fallen back into some bouts of anger and now claiming that she wants to hurt herself. She tries walking away from me once she said that but I made her tell me what she really meant by that cause I can't let that happen. She says she wouldn't kill herself but she would hurt herself. She began shouting that she simply "CAN'T DO THIS, I CANT hitING DO THIS!" she says there is no way she can possibly survive and cope with not seeing or talking to me.

She managed to guilt me a bit by showing how I've made her issues worse or still around bc I haven't tried in making this work. She's right I haven't tried as I should bc I just can't overlook my fears and doubts in living a life of this type of relationship.

[raindancer]

I agree with Newton - sounds like you're still in the FOG. And she may be having an extinction burst.

I also agree that you need this break for your own good right now. Stay strong 

Take some time for you. Go for some long walks, listen to some good music, hang out with a friend or two if you feel like it. Take some time to breathe and feel good in your own skin. Take some time to remember the you you are/were/will be again.

Deal with what's down the road when you get there... .

And, I also agree, you can't wear out your welcome. Post when you can.

[hurtbyboderline]

Good post! Thanks, just what I needed to hear at this point in my breakup... .   Bill

[Consumed]

JB

What you describe is so familiar to a lot of us. Please don't stop writing, I know the feeling the people here have heard enough of me,, but it's not true in the least. This is a community of people who have very unique and rare information that can only be acquired in terrible way; experience. The theories and research into borderline is a giant help also, but the talking about it, experience and desire to feel better has given us great strength in a time where we never thought we would have any strength at all. The thoughts that it's "giving up" is part of FOG. I thought the same way for a while, thinking (and being raged at) that I am abandoning her. What was really going on was finally caring for me and me health. I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt and sick. Totally losing myself, my dreams and thoughts of any future happiness being with another human being. The mood changes and swings were part of what kept me "hooked", When my exgf would have moments of calm, reason or caring for me, I would re-think things and think, "well, the next time she acts like that", which was at least by the end of the day and most of the time, within minutes. It was hard wanting something so bad and seeing flashes of hope, only to get that crushed. I had to realize, I was not giving up, but stooping the giving up on me.