Finally asked for a divorce and the craziness that followed could it get worse?

[awomanlearning]

Well tonight i was forced to ask my husband for a divorce. He sent me a email this morning asking to come home and we cant try in the email he stated that he asked his girlfriend for money but she refused to give him any so his put things on ebay and gumtree. So i offered to give him money for petrol to which he came back with no i need to do this myself etc basically a huge no. Now this is from a person that said his missing his family needs to come home and is desprite that he even asked his female he left me for for money. So i say one time offer take the money be home tomorrow he declined and called me and i quote a "narcissist" and this what followed ":)o what ever you want you have no idea how badly i want to come home but on my terms not yours" So i finally have had enough of the game and emailed him that i want a divorce i will see a lawyer on friday. The emails that followed about make sure you bring you bank statements i gamble within reason havent in ages but anyways that was his point. And dont talk to my mother she doesnt want to talk to you just the kids, my lawyer will want you phone, computer, basically everything he could think of to which i politely replied yes to everything even reminded him of stuff he didnt list.

This game has been playing out for the last i think 5 weeks his coming home but his coming home but etc he loves me i hurt him he cant get over how i did this or that to him i abused him verbally because i went into rages i admit when he just sat there did nothing and his mental health was going down the drain fast, he wouldnt look for a job or go and study. I lost my mind final straw he didnt give our daughter her inhaler which she needed every 4 hours because he was to drunk to answer over 40 calls i made to his mobile and home phone worst night of my life at work at night no money to go home! I lost it when i finally arrived home at 8 in the morning to which i was handed divorce papers and he left 2 days later to sort out his head. He promptly started an affair 2 weeks later according to him though i know it was started before he left.

So now his over 3 hours away angry at me thank god he isnt here when i was pregnant he assaulted me because i asked him to remover porn of the home computer he was drunk i changed him he got 2 year probation and anger management course he played nice for almost 4 years till this episode.

Just wondering what the hell am i in for read some of the stories in here scary i just want to be prepared.

[momtara]

Do you have kids?

Do you want him back at all?

Just protect your money and anything else of value. 

Sounds like you have had a tumultuous relationship.  You may not even remember what it's like to not have to walk on eggshells. 

"Try not to rage back at him or lose your own sanity. 

but on my terms not yours"  Well, that's the crux of it.  No.  You should list all the things that need to happen for the relationship to be normal.  He probably is not capable of them, but it doesn't hurt to list them.

[awomanlearning]

Yes we have two children this is affair number two! A girl 8 and boy 4 they adore him which is the worst part they have no idea whats really going on daughter knows daddy is with someone else and about the divorce because he asked me for it and told her.  Im so worried about he children and my own sanity one minute im get away from me the next im come here i need to stop communicating with him but i find when i dont hear from him i get scared his killed himself his attempted in my presence many times and was under 24 hour lock down while his been with the other woman. His introduced our daughter to the other woman via skype while i was at work on night they talked about getting married her being bridesmaid she told me everything but was so scared she had a ashma attack she very sensitive. I dont know what i want all i know is this has to stop i cant do this to myself because im reacting and i might take it out on the children if he upset me so far iv kept my head together and kept a smile on my face.

I know this is the end for us his painted  me perminately and im going to stay that way, there is no going back from this he cut his family out for year but i kept in contact and made him slowly go back im happy he has them to fall back on i hope they there for him as much as possible but they are in south africa we are in the UK but its something. I have my own bank account nothing joint all valuables have been sent to a friend. Just dont know what to do about him seeing the children his unpredicatible now so im scared to have him in the home when he came to see the children he stayed here but i dont think i could take that chance anymore and i dont have an address for him.

I need to get to that lawyer to see what can do just wish he would see sense but from the emails his in crisis i just pray he gets some help, his drinking again was sober for almost 4 years, so self medicating so his thought processing is a mess. Oh i have no idea where my head is at the moment i know this is it he will never turn back now iv asked for the divorce its going to so hard to loose everything you love because of a mental illness he refused to seek help with. Just wish he would go back to the doctor and then this will be easier but i dont think he can think straight enough with all the rage his having at the moment.

[ForeverDad]

It is what it is.  Accept that he hasn't changed long term.  Short term, possibly yes to an extent, but the reality is that it is at best a cycle where the minimally good times always end up with the bad times again.  You can't be blamed for setting boundaries and wanting to get off his emotional roller coaster.

And if you were concerned about divorce for religious reasons, it's generally recognized that infidelity is basis.  But you have added concerns, your safety and overall welfare as well as the children's safety and overall welfare too.

Start documenting incidents now if you haven't already.  Start collecting and safeguarding important records such as passports, birth certificates, bank account records, credit account records, deeds, liens, etc.

Regarding finances, courts are concerned only to the extent of child support, possible short term spousal support or alimony, and the eventual split of assets and debts.  But you do need to know all this since your spouse may hide income or assets.

Custody is paramount and since he is the one who has departed and apparently is not seeking significant time with them (now, but who knows about later especially if court decides he ought to pay child support!) then it may not be as difficult as some here have experienced.  Doesn't mean he can't delay, obstruct and be a pain, but it is survivable.