The freedom of Radical Acceptance

[griz]

Every day that passes I learn more and more.  I use my DBT skills and I try to implement so much of what you all teach me here on the board.  And even know I am aware of the progress I am making last night I had an Ahha moment and realized that I am really getting it.

I was out to dinner with a group of people who do not really know the specifics but are fully aware that my DD has emotional issues.  We serve on a board together so I see them about twice a month.  They have seen me come in looking very sad or having to miss a meeting and noone has ever really asked me for specifics but they always ask how DD is doing and how I am doing.  So last night we were out for dinner and someone asked me how DD was doing and instead of hiding and saying she was doing ok.  I said she was doing better and working hard at dealing with her issues.  Out of concern he asked me what she was doing and I was shocked at my reply, I said, "Well DD has been diagnosed with BPD, a life long mental illness but one with lots of hard work can be managed". All but one person,who happens to be a psychologist never heard of BPD and so I briefly explained  a bit about BPD and what we were doing as a family to support her.  Everyone was very quiet as I explained then they asked lots of questions, which I candidly answered and they were very supportive.  When I got in the car to drive home I felt so light and happy as oppose to my ususal sadness and at this moment I truly understood Radical Acceptance and Validation.

That I have truly let go of fighting this and accepted her illness and in doing so I have also validated DD. It doesn't mean that my sadness is gone and it doesn't mean that her illness is gone but I feel as though I have been able to let go of the excruciating pain.

So to this I say Thank you all.  Thank you for listening, thank you for teaching me the tools  and thank you for being there.  You have all been a beacon of light even on my darkest days.

Griz

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

 

Dear griz,

You represent each of us in your struggles.  Your victories are ours by proxy and your daughter's progress is our children's progress as it brings us all hope.

We are all connected to each other by this illness... . not in spite of it... .   because of it. 

I found great freedom in sharing the truth with others while being careful not to cross the line of violating my daughter's right to privacy. 

The only thing that erases the darkness is the light of truth.

 

[griz]

The only thing that erases the darkness is the light of truth

Thanks lbjntx - such a beautiful statement

Griz   

[cleanandsober]

Wonderful story... . thank you for sharing, you made my day  

[Rapt Reader]

Wow, griz... . That was the perfect response to the situation! Not only did you free yourself of feeling the stigma that was weighing on your shoulders, you did your part in educating some of the people in your life, which can only be a good thing... . Kudos to you 

May your journey with your daughter continue down the yellow brick road   

Good job!   

  Rapt Reader   

[Vivgood]

And the truth shall set you free!

I'm so glad you are entering a newer, better place. Looking back, I hope you are able to see how enormously you have grown. "The growth of the soul takes place in the dark."


vivgood

[angeldust1]

Griz,

I know the feeling of how freeing it feels to finally let it go.  Don't think that you won't take it back from time to time,  because we all do.  But the key it is to remember to let it go. 

  I remember when I read the whole article on radical acceptance, I felt as you did.  I applaud your statement and your continuance to explain it.  I wish there were more awareness about this disorder.  Yes we do shock ourselves,  we start to really accept what is,  is! And stop saying this shouldn't be like this,  or I'm the only one who deals with such crazy stuff.  If you've never dealt with it,  you have no idea. 

You are right most people have never heard of BPD,  in fact I stumbled upon it by accident.  I thought my son might be bi polar depressed,  I even looked up pathological liar.  This was quite a revelation,  when I found out that he truly has a disorder.  It makes it so much easier accept  yourself and the pwBPD,  and you are free to say it to others.  When you are thinking my pwBPD is just plain irrational,  it is so hard to handle. 

Another aspect of this disorder for the non,   is getting your needs met so you can meet theirs.  I have a great step-son,  who treats me wonderfully.  He is a grown man and so is my son,  almost the same age.  Before my son really showed full blown signs of BPD,  we just thought he was a little strange,  and I was afraid to get too close to my step-son,  for fear my own son would take offense.  Or think I loved him more. (How ridiculous,  but that is what they do.)

I realized that I can love both people and when my son is around( if he ever comes back in my life,) I will be free enough to show how I feel about both of them.  But right now my step-son is really helping me cope with the loss of my own son.  That great need is being met,  and I can't thank him enough.

Good luck with your daughter,  and the more you can accept,  the less her reactions will upset you.  Remember she is ill,  it is not her fault,  but it is not yours either. 

it just is! 

[vivekananda]

That I have truly let go of fighting this and accepted her illness and in doing so I have also validated DD. It doesn't mean that my sadness is gone and it doesn't mean that her illness is gone but I feel as though I have been able to let go of the excruciating pain.

griz 

You represent each of us in your struggles.  Your victories are ours by proxy and your daughter's progress is our children's progress as it brings us all hope.

We are all connected to each other by this illness... . not in spite of it... .   because of it. 

I found great freedom in sharing the truth with others while being careful not to cross the line of violating my daughter's right to privacy. 

The only thing that erases the darkness is the light of truth.

lbj