3 long weeks ahead, what to do?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So there's 3 weeks until my husband's pysch assessment. Since the doc's referral almost 3 weeks ago, there's been daily drama and I am not a drama kind of person. I asked him to go stay with family due to an affair, he wasn't happy but he did it because I asked him to. Then he said it was over, started stopping by the house to "pick up stuff" and buttered me up so he could come back home again. Things were great for the first few days, it was like we were dating for the first time. Then he withdrew and became distant, started texting like crazy. Turns out she gave a little opening for a potential something in the future. Now he's going on about selling the house again and said he did not make any commitments or promises to me. Then I get an email at work saying ":)o you hate me?". I should have ignored it but I didn't. I logically pointed out the reasons I had started to create an ounce of security that there is hope and that what he did was wrong and manipulative. I told him to hold off on any decisions until the appt and not to email those types of things to me anymore, especially at work.

Not sure I can be in the same household for 3 weeks, not knowing what to expect everyday but I have no family in town. Not sure going on stress leave to be with my family is the right thing to do either. Please help... .

[needsupport6]

So there's 3 weeks until my husband's pysch assessment. Since the doc's referral almost 3 weeks ago, there's been daily drama and I am not a drama kind of person. I asked him to go stay with family due to an affair, he wasn't happy but he did it because I asked him to. Then he said it was over, started stopping by the house to "pick up stuff" and buttered me up so he could come back home again. Things were great for the first few days, it was like we were dating for the first time. Then he withdrew and became distant, started texting like crazy. Turns out she gave a little opening for a potential something in the future. Now he's going on about selling the house again and said he did not make any commitments or promises to me. Then I get an email at work saying ":)o you hate me?". I should have ignored it but I didn't. I logically pointed out the reasons I had started to create an ounce of security that there is hope and that what he did was wrong and manipulative. I told him to hold off on any decisions until the appt and not to email those types of things to me anymore, especially at work.

Not sure I can be in the same household for 3 weeks, not knowing what to expect everyday but I have no family in town. Not sure going on stress leave to be with my family is the right thing to do either. Please help... .

[GreenMango]

Do you have a therapist?

[needsupport6]

I've spoken to 2 psychologists and our family doc. They seem to have differing opinions on what to do. Just wondering what people with experience suggest? Do I leave the situation and go be with my family, ignore the threats, set boundaries and go about assuming things will be ok, do I call his bluff about selling the house and see what happens or do I ask him to leave again? All options worth considering... .

No matter what I've tried, he keeps doing things to get my attention because he knows how much I still care about him... .

[tuum est61]

I've spoken to 2 psychologists and our family doc. They seem to have differing opinions on what to do. Just wondering what people with experience suggest? Do I leave the situation and go be with my family, ignore the threats, set boundaries and go about assuming things will be ok, do I call his bluff about selling the house and see what happens or do I ask him to leave again? All options worth considering... .

No matter what I've tried, he keeps doing things to get my attention because he knows how much I still care about him... .

Hi NS6, You somewhat answered GMs question but not quite, so I will frame it in a slightly different way.  Apart from leaving, or having him leave, have you and your therapist spent time talking about how you can move on from the manipulation that you believe has been happening in your relationship?

Setting boundaries is a start. What boundaries do you think you have set?

[needsupport6]

My therapist and I haven't spoken about anything long term, just about what I need to do to get by until the appt in 3 weeks. Managing my anxiety, ignoring the threats and need for attention, trying to call him on his behaviours. I'm still learning, I have a hard job detaching myself from the "cries for help" and attention getting stuff. I'm encouraging him not to make any major decisions until the appt. I asked him not to email me serious stuff at work and he's respected that boundary so far. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

[arabella]

I see why the 3 week timeline is an important marker but, realistically, nothing will change with that appt. He may get a diagnosis but that will not magically change anything. Perhaps he'll be prescribed some medication that will help him to regulate his mood but, again, it's not a magic bullet and most medications take several weeks to begin to be effective. My H is diagnosed and on medication but he's still in the midst of an affair and still can't decide if we should be together or not.

My point is that you need a plan to deal with the situation as it is right now. Don't count on your H changing anything. What can you do to protect yourself? What do you need in order to be able to continue to function? Perhaps a visit to your family will help, to give you a break, but you can't stay away forever - it's a temporary therapy (which is totally fine if it will help you!) Can you live with your H being like this? Right now he's got you AND his mistress on the hook... . Is there a reason that you are afraid to ask him to leave again?

[GreenMango]

Need I asked about therapy more for you.  We all know how difficult it is when the partners medical attention takes precedence.

Sometimes focusing on finding a good t to address the anxiety and personal effects of the stress can help to bring some relief.

The staying board has a saying put your oxygen mask on first then you can assist the other person.

My advice would be to read up on the staying lessons for communication, day to day stuff, and this board for the choosing a path lessons. Have you had a chance to look them over?