Will I regret this my whole life?

[LJGinger]

This is my second real r/s and second r/s with a bipolar/ BPD man. I'm at decision time right now. Do I use all I've learned and live my life as a good partner to my BPDbf or do I see what a healthy r/s is like? ... . and is it possible for me to find an interesting and compatible nonBPD man? I have no idea what it would be like to not constantly worry about rages and irrational thoughts and reactions. I don't know what to do!

[charred]

If it is just your second r/s... . ... . is there a rush?

You could indeed regret the wrong r/s for a very long time.

Usually there is something about us that draws people with PD's... . and we can address our own issues and improve the chances of relating with more normal people... . that's my plan anyway.

[eternity75]

My feeling on this is the sooner you can recognize the patterns you get into in your relationships and work on breaking those patterns to find healthy relationships instead, the better. It's an issue of learning to feel deserving of NOT walking on eggshells, not tolerating abuses of all kinds, etc.

I wish I had realized sooner how many of my relationships have followed the same patterns with the same types of men. I am a good, loving, supportive and forgiving person. And so I always found partners that needed these qualities in me. The problem is they needed these qualities but did not appreciate them. I am now 37, regretting how much time I have given to these abusive relationships. I have no children, I've never been married because I've always looked for Mr Right and known I am repeatedly with Mr Wrong. But I am the common denominator in all of my relationships. And I am the only one who can break my own patterns if I want to live the life I dream of with someone who is actually able to reciprocate my love, instead of some sick, twisted form of it. I want real love not Co-dependence.

You may very well look back in 10 or 20 years and wish you had chosen a different path.

[Validation78]

Hi LJ!

IMHO, you do know what to do! You are asking all of the right questions of yourself, and the answers are simple. Doing what you need to do is the tough part, but doing it will be so worth while!

Yes, use what you know to be the best partner you can be, with a healthy partner!

Yes, see what it's like to be in a healthy relationship!

Yes, it is possible to find a compatible, healthy man!

You deserve to be your authentic self, in a relationship without worrying about rages, his irrational thoughts, and your reactions. We ALL deserve that!

Get yourself healthy, and go get what you deserve!

Best Wishes,

Val78