Yeah, this sounds very good to me. You can always say, "The judge decided that... . " which emphasizes that everything wasn't your choice.
Interesting! Ok, I see your points. Be the first to discuss what happened to head N/BPDx off at the pass. I get it. Makes sense.
In terms of shifting things to the judge, S12's therapist told me to present myself as the person in charge of S12's well-being. After one of our custody hearings, when the schedule was changed, she said something like, "It's important that he knows you are the person calling the shots, the stable parent in his life who is making decisions for him."
I can come off as being very passive, and I think she worried that my passivity would make S12 anxious. And when it comes to S12, I'm actually not passive at all, and my actions show that, even if my demeanor doesn't. So I followed her lead and said, "After what happened at your dad's house, I made the decision to change the schedule, and you will no longer be spending overnights there, but you will see him every weekend for 4 hrs Sat and 4 hrs Sun." That was the schedule I worked out with the Ls, and N/BPDx consented and the same thing just happened, so it really was my decision and N/BPDx didn't object.
This has been really helpful -- thanks. I guess it feels like such a big victory, after all these years, and I want S12 to know that he's safe, and N/BPDx won't sabotage things anymore. But he probably didn't have a clue that his dad was messing things up for him, and this won't change how he perceives that.
