Is you BPD partner generous?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Is anybody's BPD partner very generous?

When my BPDgf is on good beahaviour, she can be very generous.

For my birthday she threw a big party for me and invited a lot of her friends and family ( iwas in her country, so my friends not there).

It was great.  Part of me thought it might have been as much for her as it was for me but maybe I am just being cynical.

[popeye6031]

Is anybody's BPD partner very generous?

When my BPDgf is on good beahaviour, she can be very generous.

For my birthday she threw a big party for me and invited a lot of her friends and family ( iwas in her country, so my friends not there).

It was great.  Part of me thought it might have been as much for her as it was for me but maybe I am just being cynical.

[emotionaholic]

Yes in normal mode she is very generous, loving, and thoughtful.  An absolutely wonderful woman.  For my birthday this year she arranged a great dinner on the boat followed by a very expensive dinner the following night and a fantastic gift.  Unfortunately she decided I was undressing the waitress in my mind and the evening fell apart.

[Learning_curve74]

My pwBPD can be very loving and generous. Of course it serves to keep me around for her too, but I know that is often part of why anybody in a relationship, BPD or not, is generous.

[popeye6031]

I suppose it is part of what makes them so attractive and makes us doubt letting go.  The generosity, sweetness, love, admiraton and charm.  My gf has been in good form for 4 days now.  She is so agreeable and laid back about things at the moment.  But I know in a matter of days I will be in the fire again and will be asking myself why I am sticking around.

[thinkingthinking]

My pwBPD was always very generous when "doing well".  Not just with me, but with other family members, friends, everyone.

In the long run, this turned out to be almost an impulsive behavior, combined with other spending problems, that led to an enormous amount of debt. 

We are now separated and not sharing money, and when I see him taking our kids on a vacation that he obviously can't afford or buying them gifts they don't need, I have to bite my lip.  While the kids think it is great, he finds himself in trouble in a hurry. 

To me one of the problems was that moderation was never enough for him.  We can go on a NICE vacation, but it doesn't have to be over the top.  We can have a fun night out, but it doesn't have to be over the top everytime.   

So generous yes, but generious to a fault   

[popeye6031]

Was nearly trying to convince myself taht she could not have BPD because of her generoisty. But will all your replies and with all the articles I have read in the last few days I know I was fooling myself.

[SweetCharlotte]

My uBPDh can be very generous when he is idealizing me, then he shuts down and becomes tight-fisted when he is devaluing me.

Fortunately, he got me the engagement ring while he was still in the initial idealization phase. It's very nice.

There is a limit to how generous he can ever be because he is $120K in the whole. Educational loans, credit cards, the taxman, medical bills, he owes them all. Though married, we operate on two different economies, mine and his. I have assets and savings and he has debts. I use my salary to support my two children, while his goes straight into the money pit of his past financial irresponsibility. That makes him feel like more of a victim and want to cut me down to size.

[frustrated b/f]

My uBPD S/O was and can be extremely generous. In fact, it was that generosity that got me hooked initially. She would take care of me at times and fulfill all my needs. Now it comes in spurts when she's feeling high's. I have to ask for laundry to be done or a meal to be cooked.

The BIRTHDAY!  . . . funny, my s/o threw me a surprise B-day party this past year as well! I was extremely suspicious behind the motive because we were not on very good terms at the time. Personally, I think she threw the surprise B-day party in order to trump any plans I may have had for myself. The previous year, I celebrated on my own with friends, and colleagues while we were broken up (again), and had one of the best birthdays ever! I find myself feeling guilty for suspecting her of something cynical and not being appreciative, but my spider senses tell me otherwise.

[Saffron2]

My uBPDh can be very generous when he is idealizing me, then he shuts down and becomes tight-fisted when he is devaluing me.

Same here.  When he's idealizing me, there's nothing that he won't do for me, materially speaking, then becomes a total tight wad when he's devaluing me.  As far as his friends go, he's generous to a fault, even if that means that we have to tighten up our budget to make up for what he's given away.

One of my good friends has a BPD wife and she has gone to such extreme with her generosity that they are in all kinds of debt.  It's sad because between the two of them they bring in almost 200k per year.

[sara101]

my BPD can be very generous with me and his family members however at times he is very controlling and money can only be spent the way he wants to spend it. for example we needed a new living room set and he didn't want to spend money on it so we ended up with  used furniture but we took 3 international trips this yr ,first class seats and expensive hotels and private drivers.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

It depends on his mood. As his feelings swing widely, as they do for pwBPD, so does his generosity. One day he wants to buy me a 1000 euro kitchen appliance (that I didn't ask for and don't need). The next he doesn't want us to spend 20 euro on eating out. It probably goes with the territory. Their feelings = facts, so the need to spend and whether it's right or not will change with their feelings. And boy, do they change quickly.

And I think that he may have very generous intentions, but if an immediate need of his pops up, all bets are off. His cravings go before any real generosity. They're afraid of being taken advantage of and feel the need to protect themselves.

[VeryFree]

She's very generous. Even now (after separation, but before divorce) she is giving away stuff  to others. My stuff... .