Good on you, much the same here
The BPD is still there, and there is a lot of self destructive behavior and neediness. But the anger, conflict and projection of issues onto me and kids has virtually evaporated.
It can still be frustrating to watch but its not dragging me down with it the same.
There is genuine desire to get off and stay off alcohol/over meds etc, even if she is not always doing a good job the desire is genuine, it is more a case of ability to do the right thing rather than denial of what is right.
Do they "grow up? I was pondering this the other day. Even if all BPD symptoms suddenly evaporated tomorrow, you would be left with someone who has not had a lifetime of "normal" (my partner is 50). As we are the summation of a lifetime of experiences, they suddenly cant develop 50 years of experiencing "normal" so I guess they will always be behind the 8 ball, even if symptom free. As most are just better managed rather than symptom free I guess we have to simply accept this. Keep in mind that our radar for dysfunctionality is a lot more alert now. So I guess we just have to cut some slack and learn to be happy in what may still be a degree of dysfunctionality.
I sometimes think many nons get trapped in chasing the ideal of a "normal" partner. The person we first met was not "normal" so if you could iron out the disorder completely you would end up with a different person. The White would go along with the Black, and you could end up with a Grey, and you may find that dull. It was one side of the disorder that attracted us in the first place.
I also think that being forced to learn how to cope with a pwBPD this forces us to mature a bit faster. I know over the last 2 years I have become a lot wiser and more capable than I ever was, as we are first to self examine ourselves in a way we never otherwise would
