Book I highly recommend (really helped me, two years NC)

[Slowlybutsurely]

Hi All,

I don't post much here anymore. It's been almost two years since I went cold turkey and cut the exBPDgf off on every front. Best decision I ever made in the relationship.

The relationship brought me to me knees as no other relationship has or could, and since then, I've done many many things to work on myself and heal, and figure out why I was attracted to her in the first place, and Why and How the end of the relationship could have devastated me to the CORE of my being the way that it did. And why it took so long to heal (and the healing and growing continues).

A book is recommended on this site somewhere, I think, and I read it. And it was fantastic. It really helped me, and I think it could potentially help many here.

The authors are Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko, and there are two editions of the book (you can find the second one on Amazon; I read the first one, but had to order it from my library):

Lifetraps

Reinventing Your Life   

My guess is that most of here have 'core wounds' as they are called that the BPD activated/triggered, and this is in large part why the healing from the breakup is SO unbelievably hard. For me, it was so hard that I can hardly put it into words. The breakup with the ex caused me to feel the most profound and deep loneliness and hopelessness that I've ever felt. The authors of the book make the argument that such emotions actually start in childhood, and then we find ways to compensate for them, and heal from them/deal with it. And for many, getting beyond core wounds is doable. For those of us who have been in a relationship with a BPD, all this old stuff gets reactivated in the Worst Possible Way. That is why we are here, struggling so hard to get over a relationship that for many (for me, for sure) was not even a good relationship.

Take care everyone. For what it's worth, things get better in time. Lots better. But it takes work, I've found. 

Hang in there.