Free at last

[birdlady]

After nearly a year and a half, it is finally over.  Amazingly, it settled.  I had a good lawyer and enough evidence to leverage a reasonable settlement.  His lawyer seemingly was able to talk some sense into him.  The emotional roller coaster has stopped.  It is a clean break.  There are no children and once the terms are performed there will be no reason or pretext to haul me back into court.  I made sure of that.

I went NC 11 months ago after he sent me some particularly disturbing emails.  He still contacted me directly, but I didn't respond.  I had to see him at the settlement conference.  During negotiations we were in separate rooms, but I still had to see him before and after.  I didnt want to, but I did what I had to do.   Afterwards he wanted to re-establish contact via email even though he remarried 6 months ago (yes they allow that in California -- it's called a bifurcation).  I said no, respectfully, and it was a peaceful parting.  He wanted to talk alone, but I refused to be alone with him.  My lawyer was present.

I'm still getting DV survivor counseling, but now I'm truly free to rebuild my life.  Yes, the "Splitting" book helped a lot.  It gave me an understanding of why I had to subpoena everything, why he lied in court, and why he fought it all the way even while he was marrying the replacement wife. 

The divorce was his idea but I filed first, and I feel good about taking the first step legally.  Even after paying substantial legal fees, I came out ahead for sticking with it.  For his lies in court, he had to pay a chunk of my legal fees, too.  I took control of my life back in standing up to him, and even if I had just broken even on legal costs, I needed to do that for me.

[Surnia]

Birdlady,

this are great news. I am so happy for you! 

And let me say it, you can be so proud of yourself.

Great also that you are follow with the counseling. 

I wish you all the best for your new life!

[livednlearned]

Sometimes I think leaving and surviving a PD marriage makes us more free than normal free  I'm glad you're done, and have some peace from the drama and abuse.

My divorce was final when I turned 42, and I was certain (after two failed marriages) that I was done. I have a wonderful S12, a great job, am trying to finish a degree, and remember clearly one day when I was walking my dog, thinking: I made it. I'm free. I'm me. And I'm great    I don't want or need a relationship, and there's no need for one.

It was the most peaceful, calm, and centered I remember ever feeling in my life. Like I had accomplished something that no one else could really see. Just me, and my whole big self.

Only people who survive abuse can understand that feeling.

[birdlady]

Ty Surnia and lived.

It is amazing how quickly life returns to normal once the BPD-NPD is no longer a factor.  It is so nice to be free of the physical and mental abuse. 

I take responsibility for staying in this marriage way, too long.

It is so good to finally be free!