trust

[lovesjazz]

How can you get a pwBPD to trust you? Our son has never trusted us or anyone for that matter.  We feel that is what is behind his compulsive lying... . fear and lack of trust... . any suggestions?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Listen, validate, support their positive efforts, and avoid emotional reactivity

[MammaMia]

Be honest with your son.   PwBPD have an uncanny ability to sense when someone is not being completely honest or forthright.  They read faces, body language, tone of voice... . everything.

They also need to be reassured constantly that we are not the enemy and we ARE trustworthy.  Never give them reason to doubt this.  

Encourage them to talk to you... . then you MUST listen to them and acknowledge that you hear and understand what they are saying.  This is very important.  Talk about "feelings" not "beliefs".  Validate as much as you can, when appropriate, and keep things on a level playing field emotionally.  Watch the tone of your voice and facial expressions.  Try not to over-react to what is said.   Make your son aware that you love him and you always will.

Remember:  trust has to be earned... . and the door swings both ways.

[js friend]

As well as what the others have said... . another important one is to be non judgemental.

PwBPD believe that we are always judging them... . so try to stay away from that.Try to stay in the moment too. When your ds is telling you something, listen and validate what he is saying then and there. Try not to go back to all the other times he has said or done this or that and link all past events together. He maybe telling you all lies but dont get caught up on them. go behind them. Validate his feelings behind he is saying.Validation is very important in building trust in any r/s.

Iam also careful not to ask questions that dd18  may think are too intrusive. Typically with my dd they are the why, what, when questions.  I also dont give my opinion or advice on anything anymore unless she asks for it, and then Iam carefully not to come across as negative.

Being less judgemental of dd has trickled down to me being less judgemental of others, and  better frame of mind which has been benefical to me in the longrun


I hope some of this helps!

[lovesjazz]

Thank you all for your input. We are going to visit our son, who we havent seen in 4 years. I want to not rock the boat.

We are excited and fearful at the same time.